Time Will Tell
by American Fantasy
Summary: Voyager finds herself in a dangerous sector of space that they have dreaded ever entering. With the Command team at odds, will this bring them together or will circumstances force them apart forever? Whatever happened between them? Only time will tell.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! _

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

"Kim to Commander Chakotay," Harry's voice chirped through Chakotays combadge as he walked the halls of_ Voyager_ after checking the systems in Engineering with B'Elanna.

"Chakotay here."

"Commander, long range sensors are detecting a cluster of M class planets 5 light years away."

Chakotay nodded, entering the Turbolift, "Acknowledged. I'll be there soon."

...

It had been three weeks since _Voyager_ had encountered any planets. In need of more supplies and a chance to give the crew some much needed shoreleave, as well as the chance to meet a new alien species, returning to the bridge Chakotay ordered Tom Paris to lay in a course.

As _Voyager_ neared the planets, their scans began to show that though they were essentially warp capable, it also showed the characteristics of a pre-warp civilization. The kind of characteristics that was once demonstrated on ancient Earth.

...

Hours passed and soon the bridge became silenced by a discomforting aura. Though no scans had showed anything to be out of the norm, the crew could not help but sense that trouble was lurking around the corner.

A cold shiver travelled down their spines as they fought the inner terror they felt inside of them. This wasn't just a coincidence. Something about this new sector of space they had just entered had provoked this feeling and if it was anything to go by, what lay ahead of them was not something they wanted to face at this point of time. Chakotay had taken the crews concerns astride as he too felt that something was not quite right with the space they had just entered.

...

After a restless and sleepless night, Chakotay threw back the covers of his bed, quickly changed into his uniform and headed out of his quarters.

"Chakotay to Seven of Nine and Neelix."

"Yes, Commander," Seven's monotonous crisp voice sounded through his combadge as Neelix also chimed in enthusiastically despite the early hour of the morning.

"Meet me in Astrometics, right away."

"Understood," Seven affirmed.

Neelix straightened up in bed, "I'll be right there, Commander."

Chakotay had his suspicions and this was one that he could not ignore. Not if he turned out to be right.

….

It had been the longest few hours of Chakotay's life as he sat rigid in his Command chair, still unnerved with the ambiance that the space seemed to emanate.

"Seven of Nine to Commander Chakotay," he was brought out of his reverie.

"Go ahead," he answered quickly, his throat dry in anticipation of whatever confirmation she was about to give him.

"I have analyzed the scans."

"And?" he pressured.

"Mr Neelix and I can confirm that the region of space, is indeed -_Sintarik_."

The bridge went quiet and many could see Chakotay begin to tense in his chair, starring out at the space before him.

"Acknowledged."

Chakotay forced himself to reply with the best Command facade he could manage, standing up and walking the few feet ahead of him until he stood in the centre of the bridge as Captain Janeway would.

"Continue the scans. I'll be there as soon as I can. Chakotay out."

Tuvok who at this point had remained silent throughout the situation, standing stoically behind his tactical station spoke up, "Should we inform the Captain?"

"No." Chakotays answer was definite.

"If or when the situation escalates i'll inform her myself, but right now I don't want to bother her with this if it isn't absolutely necessary. I trust you understand that?"

He gave a kurt nod, "Very well."

"Harry go down to astrometrics and give Seven a hand with the scans. I want to get a better understanding of this region and how to get us out of here if and when needed.

"Aye sir," he complied leaving his post behind Ops and disappeared inside the turbolift.

Moments later a bleep at Tuvoks station alerted them that they were no longer alone.

Chakotay proceeded in a quick pace to the Vulcans station, "Report."

"A vessel has dropped out of orbit."

Another bleeping alerted them of more.

"We are being hailed."

There was a deafening pause as Chakotay processed the situation, walking down to the centre of the bridge once more. Then with confidence that Chakotay could only credit as being the teaching of Kathryn Janeway, he looked sternly ahead of him and ordered the Command.

"On screen."

A visual instantly appeared on the bridge's view screen. A tall male alien species sat behind his operation station, alongside three other officers. They had a greenish hue to their skin with deep ridges that ran along their temples.

"I am Ambassador Lenaro of Sintarik Prime."

The words struck Chakotay deep in the gutt. He only had one thought and the rest of the crew had it too.

_Kathryn._

But he replied with every ounce of the trained Starfleet Officer that he was.

"I'm Captain Chakotay of the Federation Starship Voyager."

In an official capacity, this was a lie but one every crew member on the bridge knew was necessary to prevent suspicion being aroused by the Sintarik's. If they were anything like Neelix had described them, then he wasn't going to take any risks. Not now.

"You have entered our space, to what is your purpose?" their black beady eyes narrowed.

"We are only passing through, trying to make our way home."

_Voyager_ would have to wait for another opportunity to replenish their supplies, as it stood the Sintariks posed too much of a risk to them if they were ever to find out, and even Chakotay could not guarantee that at that point of time.

"While we welcome new species amongst our sector, we live an...abiding lifestyle and have strict polices about they way in which we fraternize. If you are to continue travelling through our space, we advise that you follow with our customs with...great precision, for the consequences of not abiding will be – great," Lenaro concluded, flashing a set of pearly white teeth in an almost evil grin.

"I understand, and we will do our best to adhere to them."

"Then I will look forward to meeting you. As policy before you continue your quest through our space I will need to check your ship and crew for any violations of our policies will be dealt with. Promptly."

This made Chakotay recall the tales Neelix had told him years ago. The rumors of the punishments the Sintariks imposed on travellers who in their eyes were guilty of carrying out 'illict affairs,' violating the strict principles of their society that they had for centuries maintained longer than any civilization they had ever encountered, in the 24th Century.

"I will arrive in one hour, after I have reported back to my people."

Just before Lenaro was about to cut the visual, he stopped and looked closely at Chakotay.

"USS_ Voyager._.." he mused aloud. "Have we met before? Your ship sounds...familiar."

The breath was almost knocked out of him as well as several of the bridge officers. However Chakotay pressed on and executed an almost perfect Command response.

"We are from a distant planet more than 40,000 light years away."

Though in essence it was the truth, Chakotay knew that their arrival in the Delta-Quadrant had not been a quiet one. They had experienced too much already and their reputation certainly exuded them. Ordinarily prior recognition by other alien races had not been a problem for _Voyager_, but other times it was a plight.

Chakotay just hoped that they hadn't heard too much already.

"Then you have a long journey ahead of you," the alien grinned once more.

"Indeed we do."

Chakotay just stared intensely into his eyes, though his appearance did nothing to show he had anything to hide, Chakotay could tell that the alien knew a little too much than he ought to. The question was. How much?

Once the visual was cut Chakotay immediately slipped out of Command mode.

"Computer locate Captain Janeway."

'Captain Janeway is in holodeck 2' The computer responded.

Chakotay strode past the tactical station heading towards the turbolift.

"Tuvok you have the bridge," He called, "I have to find the Captain."

"Commander-" The Vulcan began.

Chakotay paused in his tracks.

"I don't want to hear it," he barked, raising his voice a little louder than he had intended to.

"Right now my primary goal is to make sure that she is going to be safe. Now, can you hold the bridge until I've secured her?"

Tuvok looked straight ahead, dismissing eye contact and paused for a moment before giving a firm nod.

"Aye, Commander."

"Good. Take us to Yellow Alert," and with that he swiftly entered the turbolift and ordered it to deck 6.

**_To be continued..._**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**:_ Happy Holidays! Thanks for the reviews I appreciate it. More to come. _

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><p>Immediately after the Yellow Alert was ordered Kathryn, being every bit the Captain that she was, instantly went into Command mode and ended her holodeck program, tapping her combadge.<p>

"Janeway to the Bridge."

No response.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

Nothing.

Unbeknownst to her, Chakotay had deactivated her comm badge temporarily. He was already on his way to find her and he'd be damned if she found out from someone else.

Walking promptly out of the holodeck, Kathryn turned down the corridor heading in the direction of the nearest turbolift. As soon as she neared the turbolift, the doors flung open and before she could get a word out, Chakotay had walked straight out and hooked his hand firmly around the crook of her arm and led her back down the next corridor in a gentle but hasty drag.

"Commander, what is going on?" she snarled at him.

"No time for questions," he answered her quickly then stopped when they had reached a jefferies tube hatch around the corner. Finally letting his grip around her elbow go, Chakotay proceeded to open the hatch and with a casual flick of his hand he gestured for her to get inside it.

"You've got to be kidding me, right?" Kathryn glared at him then looked down to her protruding stomach.

"Not at all," his expression was dead serious.

"Look Commander, I may be pregnant but _I'm_ still the Captain!"

"Not right now you're not, now get in there, Kathryn," he held the door out for her, gesturing inside.

"Not until you tell me what _exactly_ is going on," she took a step forwards, pregnancy and height aside she still exuded a terrifying presence.

They stood for several moments, their eyes locked on to one another, the dimmed and Yellow Alert lights flashing, casting shadows on their faces.

"The Sintariks," Chakotay simply answered.

A deadly silent pause followed. Kathryn opened her mouth but found that nothing escaped from it, just utter silence as they stared at each other fear etched in their eyes. Eventually Chakotay broke the gaze and tilted his head towards the jefferies tube.

"Now. Get in."

Putting her pride aside momentarily she slowly nodded and eventually not without a little difficulty she was inside. Chakotay tried not to look inside, tried not to see her in that situation, not when it was all on him to ensure not only her safety but his child's as well.

Before he was about to close the door, Kathryn whispered.

"Chakotay..." It was an innocent tone of voice. One which he hadn't heard from her in months.

It stirred feelings inside of himself that he had since endeavored to bury, and for that moment he allowed himself to let his guard down. To ease her fears, despite the situation they were in, she was the mother of his unborn child and while she remained pregnant she couldn't be 'The Captain', and as such she was in no position to control the present situation.

He swallowed, his throat dry from apprehension.

"Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you. I'll be back," he forced his eyes to look into her's, "That's a promise."

Kathryn leant against the wall of the jefferies tube, leaning her head back and closing her eyes trying to contemplate not how they had ended up of all times in Sintarik space, but how she and Chakotay had gotten themselves in their current situation in the first place.

He was still mad at her. She understood that. But as her pregnancy had progressed further and further along, internally, Kathryn could not help but feel guilty.

...

**Two months earlier...**

_Chakotay had been thinking about his current relationship for a while. While he did have feelings towards her, he knew it was not in the sense that he felt for someone else. That void could only be filled by that one person, he at that moment both hated and loved at the same time._

_Kathryn._

_It was inevitable, right from the beginning that the relationship started. He knew it. Everybody knew it. It was destined to end._

_How could he even justify starting the relationship in the first place? Revenge? Frustration? Or just the utter human need to be loved._

_But what romance started out that month ago certainly sizzled and fried fairly quickly._

_A couple of dates. Thats what he would call it. But in all appearances to others it looked a whole lot more. Kathryn was well into her sixth month of pregnancy, which was certainly by no means a secret around Voyager anymore._

_Though he was supportive of her and everything to do with the baby, it was an unspoken agreement that they would have little to do with each other as humanly and professionally possible. But that didn't change the way he felt about her, the love, the care. It was always there._

_He was trying to move on and he never knew such a chance would ever be possible, but there she was. And for a moment he could forget about the pain he was in, the sadness that he felt inside of himself, knowing that he would never have the family he had been dreaming of. Knowing he was so close but yet so far away. _

_To say he wasn't happy was a lie. He was. But it wasn't the happiness that filled him completely. No there was always that missing piece to the puzzle and no amount of blonde, bodaciousness was ever going to make it whole._

_So the time came around and he did what he had to do._

_"Chakotay to Seven of Nine."_

_"Yes Commander," she answered professionally over the comm line._

_"Meet me in my quarters at 1800 hours. We have something we need to discuss."_

_"I'll be there," she ended, feeling a little giddy. Seven had learnt a lot about love being with Chakotay that past month, it was a new and unfamiliar experience for her which she had enjoyed. If only she knew what was coming. _

_..._

_Kathryn was lying on a biobed in Sickbay, her hands at the top of her head and her fingers tapping rhythmically against her wrist in an impatient beat, waiting for Chakotay to arrive._

_Finally the doors to Sickbay hissed open and Chakotay walked up to the biobed until he was standing beside her, looking down at her. The expression on her face looking non to pleased about being kept waiting in Sickbay with nothing but The Doctors riveting company._

_"You're late," she hissed at him bitterly._

_"Sorry," he apologized unconvincingly, "I was..held up."_

_Kathryn stared at the ceiling and scoffed, "With Seven?" she said rancorously._

_Chakotay didn't fail to hear her remark and right now he was in no mood to take this from her. What right she once had, had well gone._

_"As a matter of fact, yes I was," he answered her complacently, "Not that it is any of your concern."_

_"It is if you're going to make me wait," she snapped back._

_"I was five minutes late, Kathryn. The ship's still in one piece and the stars are still shining."_

_The Doctor who had thankfully remained quiet until then cleared his throat, bringing them out of their bickerment._

_"Let's just get this over with, okay. I've had a long day," Kathryn sighed smoothing down her uniform, her hands gliding over the bump that would soon be their child. The action however wasn't lost on Chakotay and it was one that despite the bitterness of their situation, reassured him that what he had just done was the right thing to do._

_..._

_Seven arrived at Chakotay's quarters promptly at 1800 hours. Dressed in her normal catsuit and her blonde hair perfectly in place. She was the embodiment of beauty. But beauty is not just judged by appearance alone, but rather it radiates from the person within. That was something even in their month of dating, Chakotay was never able to grasp from her._

_Any guy would be lucky to have Seven. Though to an outsider it looked like they were perfectly happy, internally Chakotay knew it just wasn't enough to mend the void left by Kathryn. _

_And that angered him to the core. He couldn't have Kathryn, and because of that it also meant that he could not have Seven._

_"You wished to see me?" a voice brought him from his daze._

_"Yes, sit down Seven," he gestured to the sofa._

_"Thank you, but I prefer to stand."_

_"Of course you do," he remembered one of her most irritable traits._

_"Your tone suggests frustration," she frowned, "Have I done something to upset you?"_

_"No, no. It's not you." It's me._

_Chakotay finished the sentence in his mind._

_How cliché. It was the embodiment of ancient break up lines but yet it harbored the very essence of the truth._

_"Then what is it?"_

_He took a step towards her._

_"I've had..a wonderful time this past month with you, Seven."_

_"As have I."_

_"But-" he couldn't quite put it into words. She in many ways was like a teenager, and like any teenager, you would always remember your first break up._

_..._

_The next day Chakotay was still a little upset, not about his break up with Seven but how he had let his feelings towards Kathryn get in the way of what happiness he had managed to find for himself under such circumstances._

_"The duty rosters for the next two weeks," Chakotay handed Kathryn a PADD as he entered her Ready Room to find her sat perched behind her desk with a mountain of PADDs in front of her. She took the PADD off him and skimmed through it briefly, not really paying much attention to it, then gave Chakotay an approving nod, and added it to the rest of her pile, her eyes still refusing to look at him._

_"Something else?" she finally looked up acknowledging his presence when she sensed he wasn't leaving._

_"Yes, actually there was."_

_She had a feeling that she wasn't going to like what he was about to say._

_"Whatever it is, make it quick, I have a lot of reports to read and not a whole lot of time," she said with a dismissive hand wave._

_"Then give me some of them, I'm happy to do them If you need to-"_

_"I can handle it," Kathryn retorted._

_He looked at the pile again. _

_"For now. But what's say in another month or two down the line, can you handle it then?"_

_"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, but right now I don't need your help so thank you for your concern."_

_"I disagree."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_For months he stood back and watched, but not now. He had finally had enough._

_"Look I get it. You're 'The Captain'. That much you've made perfectly clear. But you're going to be much more than just a Captain soon and i'll be damned if you do anything to overwork yourself and compromise that. I'm here, Tom's here, Belanna's here, Seven's here."_

_At that mention of her name she tensed up, clenching the PADD in her hand tighter, which didn't get unnoticed by Chakotay._

_He stopped his sentence "It's her, isn't it?"_

_"I don't know what you're talking about."_

_"Oh I think you do. It bothers you doesn't it?"_

_"What does?" _

_"Me. With her. It bothers you, just admit it."_

_"Do what you like Chakotay, just don't be late to my appointments on her behalf."_

_"Spirits Kathryn! What do you want with me?"_

_Chakotay saw a brief flicker of desire in her eyes that she failed to contain, but soon managed to cover it up, "It doesn't matter now...so just go."_

_"We broke up yesterday."_

_She finally looked up at him, taking in what he had just informed her of._

_"I would have told you sooner but if you remember, I was a bit late to your appointment, so I didn't want to waste anymore of your time."_

_Kathryn did not respond quickly. It all made sense. She had noticed that Chakotay looked subdued during her scan which was not in the least bit ordinary. When it came to Kathryn's scans, Chakotay was happy, the sight of their child bringing a glow about him that could only be described as fatherly pride. But yesterday he was not his normal self, he was missing that radiance about him. Now she knew._

_Kathryn slowly stood up and walked around her desk until she faced Chakotay, she reached out and touched his forearm in sympathy._

_"I'm sorry," she whispered._

_He shrugged it off in indignation._

_"You made your choice Kathryn, and you made that very clear. So tell me now, what will it be?"_

_There was only silence for a full minute while Kathryn collected her thoughts, then without proper consideration of what she was really doing, Kathryn looked back to her work upon her desk and divided up a pile of PADDs before handing a pile to Chakotay. _

_"Have the reports done by 1600 tomorrow. Dismissed."_

_She watched the disappointment slowly dawn on Chakotay's face, his eyes filled with both sadness and anger as he left her Ready Room._

_A lone tear rolled down her cheek as Kathryn turned to stare out of her viewport. Chakotay would never know the sacrifices she took, being the Captain of Voyager._

**To be continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_**A/N: **Sorry for the long delay! Winter break just isn't long enough and a slight family emergency came up. But now everything is on track so enjoy this chapter. Thank you to all who have reviewed, alerted, added to favorites etc. You are awesome._

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><p>Upon leaving Kathryn in the jefferies tube, Chakotay erected a dampening field around the section to ensure saftey measures were in place for her protection. However he knew that he could not order a security team to Deck 6, that much would arouse suspicion and at this point it was the last thing he wanted to do. No, this time he would have to do things differently, secretively and with as much diplomacy as possible. The fewer people who knew about her location the better. A conflict simply was out of the question unless it was absolutely necessary.<p>

"All Senior Officers report to the briefing room."

Chakotay ordered, straightening his posture as he walked with purpose to the bridge, trying to put aside the feelings he felt for her, because right now for all intents and purposes, Chakotay was 'The Captain'.

...

After deliberating with the Senior Staff, and sending a ship wide announcement to the entire crew, the hour had finally arrived.

Chakotay walked into the transporter room in silent trepidation and stood at the centre front, taking a deep breath before nodding to the ensign at the transporter station.

"Energize."

They were a slimly crafty creature who in all appearances looked exactly like the cruel species they were rumored to be.

The Sintarik's beady black eyes wondered curiously around the transporter room until they finally set upon the man who stood strong before him.

"Ah Captain Chakotay, how very pleased I am to meet you," the alien extended a rather thin veiny hand to him, coming down from the transporter pad.

"As am I," Chakotay played along cordially, shaking the extended hand, much to his displeasure

"Let me formally introduce myself to you personally, I am Ambassador Lenaro."

Chakotay nodded in friendly acknowledgment, despite the churning in his stomach that the alien seemed to provoke in him.

Gesturing to his left Chakotay stated clearly, "This is Commander Tuvok, my First Officer."

"Pleasure," the alien replied bowing his head towards him.

"Indeed," Tuvok acknowledged stiffly.

"Shall we continue the discussions in our briefing room?"

"By all means, lead the way," the Sintarik gestured forward.

It was an act that made Chakotay uncomfortable, to be in front of the species they had for years managed to avoid. Though a comfortable distance was placed between them, Chakotay could almost feel the Sintarik's cool breath on his neck as they walked the corridor in silence.

It was a moment that made him wonder about Voyager and the family they had become, hoping that despite the traitorous action Tuvok had once performed against him, the years that had past had encouraged a harmonious relationship between them, so in that respect, in such situation as Chakotay was in, he hoped that the Vulcan would literally have his back.

...

Chakotay and Tuvok took their seats respectfully in the briefing room, Chakotay taking the seat of what would usually be Kathryn's chair at the centre point of the table in front of the viewport, and Tuvok at Chakotay's side like a dutiful First Officer, whilst the Sintarik sat opposite, in a lengthy distance between them.

They continued in light conversation about their homeworlds, the deceit Chakotay was feeding this Sintarik was astounding. He hadn't lied so much in his life, but yet if he thought about it more, he lied to himself everyday. But yet he wasn't the only one to skip a few details out of the conversations.

They both had something to hide and they both knew it.

Chakotay sat further back in his chair and looked to Tuvok in unspoken communication. The Sintarik was avoiding conversation as though he was waiting, but for what Chakotay thought?

Suddenly a chirp familiar to their Comm badges sounded, and the Sintarik tapped the small circular device on his collar, opening the channel.

"Ambassador," a deep voice broke through the silent briefing room.

"Yes," he simply replied looking down at his hands, his fingers folded together neatly on the table.

"It's confirmed..."

His eyes narrowed and he gave a long drawn out nod.

"Thank you Ventaran, standby."

The word, _'confirmed'_ induced a natural response to protect. Chakotay's posture instantly straightened in his chair and his muscles tightened, anticipating his worst nightmare.

Gradually the Sintarik pulled his head up in a slow drawn out movement so that his eyes were the last to look up, instantly locking his gaze with Chakotay, across the table.

"Oh Chakotay..." he began, "Did you really think you could fool us?"

But before Either Chakotay or Tuvok could respond, the Sintarik vanished in a swirl of blue lights as he suddenly dematerialized right before their eyes.

Chakotay was up in an instant followed by Tuvok, striding onto the Bridge. They had no time to sit and react to what they saw. The words sank heavily into their minds.

_'It's Confirmed.'_

As soon as the doors to the bridge had opened, they were immediately alerted by the sound of consoles bleeping with transmissions.

"Report."

"We're being hailed by the Sintarik embassy," Harry called from behind his station.

Tuvok took his place behind the tactical station whilst Chakotay walked to the centre of the bridge, barking furiously for the visual to be brought up. And then it appeared. The sight of the Ambassador, as clear as he was to them only a few moments ago.

"Captain Chakotay...or should I say _Commander._"

Chakotay clenched his fists angrily like he was running his favorite boxing holodeck program.

"Where's your Captain?"

"Not here," he spat bitterly.

The tips of the Ambassadors fingers drummed rhythmically against one other, evilly.

"Oh I very much doubt that. I had my suspicions, but now they are all but confirmed. You see while we were talking, my government was scanning and reading your databases, without you even knowing about it," he grinned, "Remarkable how one planet so small could be so _advanced_."

"We don't share your views," Chakotay started, "We live in a world where there's equality between sexes."

"Equality-" the ambassador scoffed, "I can see why you'd say _that_, because we've also accessed your Captain's medical records and I must say..." he trailed off reading the information on his screen, "I've never seen such a _high_ violation of our protocols."

Chakotay pinched the bridge of his nose, to say he was frustrated at the Sintarik's was an understatement, but if he had learnt one thing in the Delta-Quadrant, it was the art of diplomacy.

"If you let us leave we will be on our way. There's no need to cause conflict just because we share different views and live different lives to one another. Each species throughout the Quadrants will undoubtably differ, that's the beauty of our universe, that no one species is exactly alike."

"Oh but Commander, if we let every species get away with it every time they go by our space, then it wouldn't be setting a very good example for our people now would it?"

"And what example would that be?"

"I needn't explain myself of our way of life, Commander. It's the way we live, the way it began and the way it _always _should be."

"That may be your opinion Ambassador, but it's not ours."

"It doesn't have to be..but if you ever want to see this ship, and your crew ever make it home again, you'll bring me Captain Janeway."

"I may do many things..but I am not going to sacrifice the life of our Captain for your disposal. You see I get it, I was brought up in accordance to tradition and the old ways of life. My people refused to accept the changes in their homeworld and so left to create their own and live a life in the ways that they knew. But I was curious. I wanted to know more and so I left in search of the answers I could not seek because my people never bothered to question them. It was second nature to them, but I was different. Then by circumstances surrounding my part of the Quadrant, my people were caught in the middle of a war and died because they refused to leave, leave the sanctity of their home and the life that they had made for themselves, a life where change was virtually non existent. Change is a natural part of life, you can't prevent it, believe me. But it only takes one person, maybe one day you'll understand that"

"Enough! I've heard enough from you! Surrender Captain Janeway to me and...I'll consider letting you and your crew go."

"I'm not about to give you the life I would freely give my own to save. You'll not have her!"

If it weren't for the tense seriousness of the situation, the bridge Officers would have gasped at what Chakotay had just said, but just as quickly as it was spoken, it soon slipped their minds, their only thought being the safety of the Captain. She had protected them all those years, now it was their turn.

The Sintarik clenched his jaw tightly and beamed at Chakotay menacingly, the blackness of his eyes changing to a golden amber.

"Fine, have it your way," he abruptly cut the transmission.

"They're charging weapons," Tuvok stated as his console bleeped in warning.

"Raise shields-"

"Commander, another ship has just dropped out of warp...but it isn't Sintarik."

"Ensign?" Chakotay questioned.

Harry's console bleeped again.

"They're hailing us, sir."

Looking towards the view screen Chakotay cleared his throat, perturbed about what could possibly come.

"On screen."

...

It felt like hours, no it felt like days that Kathryn was sitting in that jefferies tube with no communication from the outside world.

All she was left with was the last words she heard from the man she had loved.

_'I'll be back for you. That's a promise.'_

She heard it in her mind, like an old Earth record, scratched and worn, playing over and over again.

But she told herself to relax, it was probably nothing more than her nerves. In reality it had only probably been an hour since Chakotay left, but even then it felt like an eternity.

Somewhere aboard this ship could meet her doom and here she was, stuck in a jefferies tube almost nine months pregnant with no control over her fate. It all rested on one man, who she knew still harbored anger towards her and a crew she had been less than a Captain to those past few months.

Though Chakotay would never express anger to her in a malicious way, she took his silent and distant approach to her as just that. Anger. But maybe one day..one day he would understand and accept it as she was trying to.

For now she leant back against the hard wall of the jefferies tube and sighed.

Suddenly a hard painful thud struck her lower abdomen and Kathryn shot her hand instantly to the tender spot rubbing slow circles on her belly to ease the child within. She let go of the breath she had been holding and took calm even breaths, until the pain subsided.

Internally Kathryn cringed at the timing, hoping that the kick wasn't a pre-warning for more to come, for it certainly was the last thing she wanted to happen at this point of time.

She leant her head back and sighed once more, cradling her stomach as though protecting it from the outside world that at this moment she had reason to fear

...

**_Four months earlier..._**

_Chakotay had noticed Kathryn acting strangely all day. _

_The uncomfortable shifts she made, in her ready room, standing on the bridge, in her command chair and during their debriefings. Finally after their afternoon debriefing had concluded, Chakotay remained seated until he was the only one left behind with her as the rest of the Senior Staff piled out the door. Normally he was one of the first to leave so he could avoid just what was occurring now. _

_The Command team, alone. _

"_Commander?" Kathryn shifted uncomfortably again looking at him still sitting to her left. _

"_Nothing," he lied, telling by the tone in her voice that she seemed distracted once more. _

_He stood up and left promptly, leaving Kathryn to lean back against the chair and let a hand rest lightly on top of her abdomen watching as Chakotay left through the doors in a hasty pace._

_She knew it was an important moment in her pregnancy and the fact that she couldn't share it with him saddened her. Chakotay would make a wonderful father, and while she was prepared to do this alone, she knew if circumstances were different and on their side, he would be over the moon by what was happening at that very moment. _

_But as it stood, it had been over two months since she told him about the baby. Two months of nothing but 'Aye Captain,' 'Yes Captain', 'All systems functional Captain.' There was no holodeck times together, no private dinners in the Captain's quarters, no coffee in her ready room and most importantly, no Kathryn and Chakotay. _

_Only the Captain and Commander existed now. Two stoic Starfleet trained Officers. _

_Chakotay would barely speak to her, he was upset, no he was angry, that much she understood, she was too, but not for the same reasons. However it was times like this that she realized just how much he was really missing out on, and what they could never be together. A family. _

_..._

_That evening after avoiding it all day, not being able to pluck up the courage to confront her about it, Chakotay rang the chime to Kathryn's quarters. _

_It was 2100 hours. Kathryn sauntered to her door and bid the person entry. When the door opened it was the last person she had expected, the expression on her face showing just that. _

_Despite the lateness of the night, Kathryn was still in her uniform, but had discarded her jacket so that she wore only the thin grey turtleneck, which did nothing to conceal the bump she now obviously had._

_Knowing exactly where his eyes were looking, she became uncomfortable, crossing her arms over her chest as a way to obscure his view below and break the ice before speaking. _

"_Can I help you with anything Commander?"_

_Chakotay looked at her properly for what seemed like the first time in months, "Actually no...but I wanted to speak with you, Kathryn." _

_The use of her name indicating that this was no professional matter he was implying the impending conversation was going to be about. _

_Nodding once after little consideration, Kathryn gestured forward, inviting him in. _

_She walked out to her viewport staring out at the stars, from the way that she was standing, her hand almost fighting to stay at her side than touch the precious life inside, he could tell that she was uncomfortable again. _

"_Regarding?" her tone was harsher than she had intended it to be, finally answering him. It was a dumb question. She already knew what it was, she bit her bottom lip slightly in regret. She was angry at him for him being angry at her, it might not have made sense but her hormones did nothing to stop her feeling it. _

"_You, actually..."_

_She sighed resignedly. _

"_What now you suddenly care?" she snapped at him. _

"_I was just..." he clenched his jaw, "A little worried about you today, that's all, and I came to see-"_

"_Well as you can see, i'm doing just fine, thank you-" _

"_That's not what I saw on the bridge," he answered quickly. _

"_Which was what exactly?" she crossed her arms over her chest again. _

_He opened his mouth to speak, contemplating what to say next then quickly closed it when he realized that whatever he said was meaningless and once again backed out before he could do anymore damage to their already fragile relationship. _

"_Never mind, I shouldn't have come...I'm sorry I bothered you," he said quietly turning to leave. _

_An internal nudge caused Kathryn to realize the reality of their situation, as parents to be. That this was not just her making but theirs. _

"_Chakotay, wait-"_

_She closed the distance between them and when Chakotay turned around, without contemplating about it anymore she grabbed his hand and pressed it to her abdomen where it was met by a firm kick to his fingertips. That was when he realized what it was that she had been feeling that day. It was like unlike anything she had ever experienced. That was when she truly understood the miracle of life._

"_It just started this morning," she said still gripping his hand to the right spot. She watched the color return to Chakotay's face, as it seemed to light up, then soon his expression changed once more to one of seriousness. _

"_I never said I didn't care Kathryn..." Chakotay said in a quiet barely audible voice, "It's just...hard."_

_She looked at him studying the lines of sadness etched across his face that she had never seen on him almost three months ago, "No one said this was going to be easy."_

"_No. No, It's not..." _

_She wanted to apologize, but she knew at this time it was fruitless. _

_The baby stopped kicking and soon there was an awkward moment when Chakotay's hand still remained on Kathryn's abdomen a little longer than he ought to have. Once realizing this he pulled back quickly and registering some space between them. _

"_I've been thinking a lot lately, and..." Kathryn breathed trying to muster up the strength to say it, "My next scan is in a few days...and if you would like..you're welcome to come," she looked down toying with her fingers._

"_I realize that things haven't exactly been-"_

"_I'd love to," he cut her off quickly, surprising her by the suddenness of his answer. Kathryn's head shot up suddenly until their eyes met, sharing a precious moment, their eyes locked in vehement passion that threatened to surface, but then like any moment it was soon gone._

_Kathryn tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. _

"_I'll let you know closer to date," she informed him. _

_He nodded then turned to head out her quarters, but before he could exit, Kathryn opened her mouth once more. _

"_Goodnight, Chakotay."_

_Without turning around, Chakotay stopped before the exit, turning his head lowered slightly to his right shoulder refusing to look back and responded. _

"_Goodnight...Captain." _

_'Captain'. It was a painful reminder of the hardship they were currently facing, reminding Kathryn that despite the promises he once made her, she now more than ever felt completely and utterly, alone._

**To be Continued...**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**_ Sorry for any technical errors, battle scenes are not my strong point, but it will come with time and practice. Sorry for the wait, and for that I made it extra long. The rest of the story will come a lot faster._

* * *

><p>As Chakotay gave his order, a visual instantly appeared on the viewscreen and before him a pale grey skinned alien with a long face and wide piercing green eyes. Chakotay's own eyes narrowed in suspicion to this new species, that unlike the Sintarik's, but before the alien could speak Chakotay pressed his curiousity forward, he was in no mood for another enemy today.<p>

But just as quickly as the alien appeared, the Sintarik vessel retreated back to their planet.

"I'm Commander Chakotay of the Federation Starship _Voyager_, who are you?"

"I am Sashener, Head of Defense of Trailas Prime. We've come to help you."

Chakotay frowned, stealing a look with Tuvok who but simply raised his right eyebrow a fraction.

"Help us?"

The new alien looked at Chakotay with an understanding eye, "Our planet is on the border of Sintarik Prime and too often have we stood back and allowed the Sintarik's to bridge war against female leaders...we have on occasion lost many to them, and for too long have we stood back and watched while innocent females across the Quadrant are killed for _their _beliefs."

"I'm listening," Chakotay crossed his arms over his chest, urging the alien to continue.

"Our planet is close but ion storms and atmospherics conditions that we have adapted to control to separate our territories and protect our planet from the Sintarik's make it a difficult path to cross, which is why most would avoid our homeworld, but we have ways around that."

"How do I know that this isn't some trap, set to lure us into your sector of space, what's to say that your species are less hostile than they are?"

"You are smart to consider this so Commander Chakotay, but then again, I thought I was smart once too...until I lost my wife to the Sintarik's, that was six months ago..." his eyes averted his own for a brief second whilst he collected himself.

"I won't let that happen to any of my people again, nor yours if I can help it. We have heard of _Voyager_ from across the galaxy...of Captain Janeway...she sounds very much like my wife," his tone of voice trailed off to one of sadness, "That's where we come in. If we can offer assistance in any way that we can, then we are here to help."

_Voyager_ had met one too many unfriendly species in the Delta Quadrant, and it would not be the first time that they had been deceived, but in this circumsatance if there was a chance to be helped, then this was as good of a time as any.

"Captain Janeway's life is our main priority at this time,"Chakotay simply answered.

"Of course," the alien nodded, "And we have several ships on standby upon your request,the Sintarik's are aware of that now, which is why the vessel retreated. Despite all occurrences Commander, we have no intention of starting a war unprovoked."

"We are not looking to start a war, we're on a peaceful mission just trying to get home."

"I understand, but they will not give up. The Sintarik's are very...persistant. Trust me Commander, this is the only way, your ship and your people may not be willing to get involved but by your presence alone in their sector of space, you already are. We like yourself are not a hostile species, provoked to battle only in the act of utter necessity or in this case civil aid, but lately...even that has been a hard act to comply with."

Chakotay nodded, he knew what it was like, the want to fight back to seek some form of revenge and comfort in the sufferings from the one's who had conflicted him a pain that no other could understand.

"Let us get your ship and Captain to saftey, and leave all the small talk to later. The Sintarik's won't be gone for long, they will come back and with more ships and greater power, my people are prepared to fight the Sintarik's. My wife was..much loved on our planet. We have been waiting for this moment, and I think it would benefit us both, greatly. "

Chakotay couldn't give the aliens proposal a proper consideration because as soon as it was said, a Sintarik vessel dropped out of warp and opened fire upon _Voyager. _

"Red Alert," Chakotay announced, looking to Tuvok for a status.

"Shields are holding."

"They know we are making an alliance, we must act fast," The Trailas alien stated.

"Commander," Tuvok inquired, waiting for an order that was not coming, meanwhile the Sintarik Vessel continued to fire upon _Voyager_, but Chakotay had neither made a decision nor issued any Commands to defend themselves against them.

"Commander-" Sashener urged him.

"Send me the coordinates."

The Defense Officer smiled at the agreement,"I must warn you, It'll be a tricky course."

"Well it's good that we have our best Pilot," Chakotay walked over and placed a hand on the Pilot's shoulder, " Right, Tom?"

Tom cocked an eyebrow and titled his head up, proud and ready to take on the challenge.

"Just give me directions," he answered.

While Chakotay and the Trailas defense team rounded up their plan, more Sintarik vessels began to approach, and it was time to put everything in action.

"Have you got the coordinates, Tom?"

A Bleeping noise from the conn confirmed the delivery.

"Got it."

"Good work, plot a course."

"Aye Commander."

...

Kathryn's prewarning had been correct, she had been feeling sharp contractions for an hour now, and just as she feared the most, they were starting to get closer and closer a part. It was now apparent to her that this was no false labor the Doctor had warned her of as she began nearing the end of her trimester.

She was a week shy of her due date, and if this baby was anything like she was, then it had a mind of its own.

She rubbed her lower back trying to ease the pressure that was stabbing into her and closed her eyes, "Come on Chakotay..." she silently whispered.

...

"How's it going, Tom?" Chakotay called from his Command chair, the bridge Officers all working to full capacity.

Tom looked studiously at his controls, working hard to steer _Voyager_ through this difficult maze, his face full of concentration showing just that.

"When the Trailas said it was a tough course, they sure weren't kidding."

"Too tough for you to handle, Tom?" Chakotay issued a cheeky quip at him.

There was a time a few years before when the thought of being civil to Tom Paris had utterly disgusted him. He hated him. To Chakotay, Tom was an arogant, cocky young pilot who didn't care about anyone but himself. Though the cockiness many not have left him entirely, Chakotay, came to admire Tom's personality and quirky sense of humor. That was just the way he was, and the person he was destined to be, without it, he wouldn't be the Tom Paris, people knew and loved.

Chakotay thought to himself for a brief moment and realized that he neither considered Tom Paris his enemy or just another crew member anymore, but rather he had started to consider Tom as a friend.

Tom smirked at Chakotay's comment, and continued on his ways. Though he would never say it aloud, Tom thought the same thing about Chakotay.

"Never."

...

The battle continued slow and steady due to the difficult course the Trailas had set to enter their homeworld.

"What's the status of the ships?"

"Two more Sintarik vessels have been destroyed, there are three remaining."

Chakotay nodded, "How many Trailas vessels?"

"Four."

Chakotay bowed his head, two Trailas vessels had gone down. They risked their lives for them and for Captain Janeway, and for that he would be eternally grateful. _Voyager_ was but one ship, without their help, like the Trailas had to him, they would not have been able to fight off an entire fleet of Sintarik vessels.

...

Kathryn kept a calm vigil as she waited out the contractions as best as she could, but all that was about to change...

She felt a warm wet liquid begin to surround her, her fingers instantly shifted to graze the liquid between her legs, evidence that bigger problems than the Sintarik's was well on its way.

"No..." she groaned, "Please not now..." but she already knew that at this point there was no stopping anything. Kathryn leant back further against the jefferies tube and allowed herself a few seconds to panic before she forced herself to gain control. No amount of Starfleet training had prepared her for this. Right now she was just a woman, scared, alone and pregnant.

...

The Trailas were fighting up front by the Sintarik homeword, whilst some Sintarik's had deployed ships on the outskirts of their planet away from the central fighting, trying to find a way around the Trailas defenses.

Tuvok looked up from his console, "Shields are weakening, Commander."

"Fire torpedos," Chakotay ordered and was instantly awarded when the blast penetrated the Sintarik's shields, the damage visibly seen from the viewscreen as the bridge Officers watched the Sintarik vessel retreat.

"Another Sintarik vessel is approaching," Harry announced.

Chakotay hung his head briefly, the Sintariks still refused to leave them alone despite the casualties to their own ships and people.

"We're approaching the border," Tom stated behind the conn.

Chakotay looked hopeful, "How long until we clear the area?"

"40 seconds."

"They can't follow us into their space, it'll be a death sentence."

"But they might just," Chakotay replied.

Just then the Sintarik vessel fired at _Voyager. _

"Shields at 17 percent."

Another hit targeted their shields.

"9 percent."

"Evasive maneuvers, Tom," Chakotay called.

"I'm trying," he gritted working hard at the conn trying to navigate through the narrow passage of undisturbed space that the Trialas had left unguarded.

A jolt rocked Voyager suddenly, signifying the trouble they were in.

"Shield are down, direct hit, hull breech on deck 9," Tuvok said aloud.

Chakotay tapped his combadge,"B'Elanna-"

"-I can't give you any more power to the shields, Commander,"she quickly responded. Everyone in Engineering, like the Bridge Officers working to full extent.

"20 seconds," Harry counted down.

Chakotay clenched his fist tightly, they only needed a few more seconds, he watched and waited for what seemed like a lifetime for them to clear the area. Their shields were down and in such situation they were exposed, one hit and they could risk major damage to the ship and their people.

"10 seconds."

"Ease us in ,Tom."

"We're approaching perimiter."

"The Sintarik vessel is refusing to withdraw." Tom gritted, knowing that their enemy was still of their tail.

Just as the Sintarik vessel was charging their weapons to attack again, two Trailas vessels suddenly shot past _Voyager_ and opened fire, destroying the last remaining Sintarik vessel and with that victory _Voyager_ entered the Trailas border feeling the ease of the ship as the atmospheric conditions surrounding them began to dissipate. One thing was clear, they were free and before them a row ships on dock waiting for their arrival.

"All stop, open a channel," Chakotay ordered.

"Commander Chakotay," a Trailas dignitary greeted him, "It's good to see that you're out of the woods. We have finally made a mark on the Sintarik's and given our people the closure that we have long seeked. I doubt we will be bothered by them for a while."

"Thank you for your assistance. We're truly grateful, but if you wouldn't mind Commander Tuvok, will handle all other communications from now on, because there is someone I need to check on."

The dignitary bowed his head in comprehension.

"Tuvok, you have the bridge."

"Aye Commander," he answered immediately, coming from behind his tactical station and traded places with Chakotay. When handing the bridge over to the Vulcan, Chakotay could almost sense that he was giving him a look, a look of support. Tuvok was a dear friend of Kathryn's, he cared about her as much as a Vulcan could.

The look on the faces of the Officers on the bridge were unbelievable. They cared about her more than she knew. He knew that Kathryn in the past few months had not been the Captain that she had wanted to be for them, but looking at their expressions now he saw that no matter what, it was was clear that they would literally follow her to the ends of the universe.

Chakotay entered the Turbolift and in one swift movement after the doors had slid shut, he leant against the wall, rubbing a hand down his face then called for Kathryn's Combadge to be activated again, he couldn't wait the 6 decks down. He had to hear her voice, now.

…

Clutching her stomach Kathryn didn't matter whatever it was was that was happening outside, the baby was coming now whether she liked it or not. Kathryn had just managed to climb out of the jefferies tube when another contraction hit her, she sank to the ground and breathed through the pain.

Her comm badge was still deactivated, and in this circumstance she wouldn't risk calling chakotay in case he was tied up with the Sintarik's because at present she had no idea what the situation was.

Suddenly her combadge chirped with life again and a gentle voice called through it, "Chakotay to Janeway."

"I'm here," she replied almost instantly and out of breath.

"It's over. You're safe."

Kathryn breathed heavily against the wall thankful that Chakotay and_ Voyager_ had once again pulled through.

"Then you'd better get down here", she paused for a contraction, "Now!"

"Kathryn?"

"Now!"

"I'm on my way," he could tell she was in distress, the erratic tone, the heavy breathing, it could only lead to one thing and he shouldn't have been surprised, after all, he had left her alone in a jefferies tube almost fully to term.

"Chakotay to Sickbay."

"Yes, Commander."

"Meet me on Deck 6, it's the Captain, I think she may be in labor."

"Right away," the Doctor responded quickly, grabbing his mobile emitter and med kit and was on his way out of sickbay promptly.

…

Exiting the turbolift on Deck 6 Chakotay made quick work of getting to the jefferies tube as soon as possible, but he hadn't expected to see Kathryn slumped against the wall bracing herself with one hand and the other firmly planted on her distended abdomen.

Chakotay rushed towards her.

"Kathryn!"

As he knelt down to her she gripped him hard digging her fingernails sharply in his arm as she felt another contraction rip through her. Kathryn gritted through it and allowed an audible groan to escape from her as it happened.

"We have to get you to sickbay," Chakotay said quickly as he studied her. She looked like a mess, her hair was tousled and her face was red and sweaty, in all honest opinions she looked as though she had been fighting to keep the labor going for as long as possible, but to Kathryn's dislike, this was one thing in her life that even she couldn't control.

"What happened? The ship, the crew?"she managed to say in between breaths.

Chakotay shook his head as he knelt beside her, "For goodness sakes Kathryn you're about to have a baby, I don't think now's the right time to explain," he sighed, then softened his voice when he remembered just what it was that she is, the Captain, "But yes, everything will be fine. We're all okay."

The Doctor at this point made his entrance rushing over to her, his eyebrows furrowed to see her in such a state, and slumped against a wall bellow a jefferies tube.

"Captain," he stated, pulling his tricorder out and running it over her abdomen. A few moments later he had collected all the data that he needed and shut it quickly then stood to kneel on her other side. There was no doubt about it, she was having this baby now and even Chakotay understood that look on the Doctor's face.

"Chakotay to Kim, what's the status on the transporters."

"Offine sir,"

"When will they be operational?"

"20 minutes, that's the best I can give you."

The Doctor looked at Chakotay, "She might not have that long Commander."

"Doctor..." he warned.

"Well maybe if I was informed of the situation she wouldn't be here."

"Trust me Doctor, the less who knew the better, now in your professional opinion, can we get her to sickbay?"

"No," running the tricorder over her again, "She's too far along, we're just going to have to do this here."

Kathryn who had remained silent up until that point, conserving the energy that she would soon need decided that it was time to set them straight, gripping the Doctors arm firmly, if he had Nociceptor's he'd certainly be sore by the sheer grip that she was enforcing upon his arm.

"I'm not having this baby in a corridor!" she grunted in her low raspy voice, still gripping a hold of the Doctor's arm with a brute force.

"But Captain-"

"No 'buts', take me anywhere, anywhere but here!

"Captain-"

She threw her head back trying to breath normally whilst fighting to remain as calm and Captain like as she could.

"That's an order!"

"The holodeck," the Doctor and Chakotay suddenly said in unison.

...

**_9 months ago..._**

_Whilst Chakotay and Kathryn were on an away mission they found a peaceful planet called Brilarix, that was rich in the many minerals and supplies that Voyager was in need of. Given the warm welcoming that they were given upon their arrival and a promise for negotiations of bountiful supplies, Kathryn and Chakotay decided to send Voyager in to complete the negotiations whilst giving their hard working crew some much needed shoreleave._

_At this opportunity Kathryn and Chakotay as the Commanding Officers of Voyager had accepted an invitation from the Ambassador to dine with them, whilst Tuvok retained Command for the time being, neither plussed about shoreleave, but unlike Tuvok, Kathryn and chakotay were keen to stretch their legs._

_It was vital to remain cordial to the Brilarix, since they were the first peaceful species they had met in a while. They had to maintain everything to a professional standard and kindness to oversee their negotiations and trade and to learn more about this new species, which as explorers they were overwhelmed by._

_Later that evening,_

_As Chakotay and Kathryn dined with the Ambassador and his family, they found that they were more than forward about asking about their journey and travel to their homeland, Earth. It seemed like that was all they wanted to talk about. The Brilarix's were very interested in other races and their homeworlds, being so distant from one another, it was understandable that they wanted to hear stories._

_Though they were used to telling new species they had encountered about their journey and homeword, Kathryn and the crew were careful not to indulge to heavily in conversation about it. It was still a delicate topic and around Kathryn it was one that had to be talked about lightly and goodspirited, for underneath those four pips lay a woman who at the end of the day could not stop being the Captain of Voyager at the end of her duty shift. No, it was Captain Janeway 24/7 a woman who despite Starfleet appearances had a heart and feelings, and each time she would have to explain about Earth, a little piece of Kathryn left along with it._

_But her training had done her so well that the only person who could see her carefully concealed sadness was Chakotay, who at present sat opposite her with the Ambassador at the head of the table either side of them._

_He could see she was uncomfortable with the questions, she would shift or avert her eyes across the room or would look down when the Ambassador would question her, questions that although innocent in nature, stirred up painful memories that she could not escape. Chakotay had known Kathryn long enough to notice when she felt uncomfortable, was stressed, tired and more commonly had worked herself too hard. He knew Kathryn, inside and out. That much he kept to himself._

_So he watched from the other side of the table at the woman who tired to maintain her Command facade despite the pain that her position had caused her._

_..._

_Later on that night,_

_The Command team were invited to stay in a luxurious palace, which to their surprise was much too generous, their rooms fit enough for a Royal and adjoined to each others by a simple door and sharing a large balcony overlooking the city of Brilarix._

_It was late that night that found Kathryn and Chakotay in a sleepless state._

_Chakotay came out to the balcony to find Kathryn perched on the swing chair looking ponderously out into the stars. She was wearing a crème satin nightgown, that the Brilarix had most likely left for her. It was the type of nightgown that defied the very nature a Starfleet Captain._

_"Kathryn?"_

_She looked to her side to see the dashing image before her. He was handsome, his sleep touseld hair and casual nightwear attire, far from the Commander she sat next to on the bridge, day in and day out. Ordinarily this would be an uncomfortable situation, the Captain and First Officer having a late night chat in their nightwear, but their time on New Earth had made it comfortable for them to be with each other in that capacity._

_"Couldn't sleep either?" she responded casually._

_"No..not really, I kept thinking of..." he sat down beside her, then decided against his words as quickly as he had said them, but she didn't miss it for a second, and hung her head low._

_"It's alright, you can say it," she said looking up to Chakotay, "Earth..."_

_He took note of her saddened features._

_"We'll get home. Someday, somehow. You'll find a way to get us back."_

_She shook her head and whispered, "Why is it that you always seem to have such faith in me?"_

_"Because, I just do," he admitted._

_She sighed looking at the night sky and the stars above her that for this moment she had the pleasure of viewing from outside amidst the cool air, unconsciously she slowly leant into Chakotay in comfort, Chakotay warmed into it and wrapped an arm around her shoulder and held her closer to him, close enough so that Kathryn could smell his sweet musky scent._

_"How do you know me so well Chakotay? When sometimes, I don't even know myself..."her question was truthfully etched with the pain of her situation._

_Chakotay thought for a moment and after moment of silence had passed as he collected his thoughts, it brought him to the most honest answer he could give her. _

_"Because I see you Kathryn," he looked down at her on his shoulder, meeting his dark eyes with hers, "Not for the Starfleet Captain who you've been more than forced to become, but the woman that you are, the woman sitting right beside me. That's who I see."_

_Kathryns eyes never deviated from his own, and hers were sparking with tears unshed, he had touched her emotionally and in this moment she couldn't help but think how lucky she was. To be trapped in the Delta Quadrant flung 70,000 light years away from home at the beginning seemed like a death sentence, but with every passing day and with Chakotay by her side, she could feel his promise to her work, her burden lighten and her feelings towards Chakotay becoming even stronger. This was a man who had for years stood by her side, rescued her from a bout of depression when she felt like she could no longer go on and at the end of the day remained her one true friend, something that she felt like she sometimes didn't deserve. She was blessed to have Chakotay, as a colleague and as a friend but since New Earth which was now well behind them, she wondered briefly if she could ever have more..._

_"Chakotay..." she whispered, bringing her hand to cup his cheek, while Chakotay brought his other hand to rest atop of hers, feeling the warmth of her hand radiate on his face._

_Their eyes never parted each others, their faces still only inches a part, they slowly pulled closer to each other like they were two magnets, scientifically attracted to one another, until eventually they touched, the magnets aligned and they felt a spark for a longing they had both desired. _

_Soft, gentle kisses soon began to hasten as they began to taste each others lips, their tongues coming into the mix, they knew where this was leading to and neither had the power to object, the passion they felt for each was like no other so for the time being they enjoyed the moment, because little did they know, all good things must come to an end. _

_..._

_The next morning,_

_Rays of sunlight filled the spacious rooms will an orange iridescent glow signifying the start of the day. But what was different this time was that the Command team were in Kathryn's room, more importantly...they were in bed together, her bed._

_Kathryn's head was delicately pressed to Chakotay's golden chest and a dainty arm draped around his side, whilst one of Chakotay's large hands was planted firmly on her bare back. The thin white sheet covering only their lower half. _

_Chakotay was the first to wake, feeling the warmth of a woman against him and the trickle of her hair fanned on top of his chest. But this time, it wasn't just any woman. It was Kathryn, and this very realization made him warm inside, memories of their night together still lingered in his mind and the feelings still ravished his body. It was the first time he had truly connected with a woman and he realized with his body and soul that he loved her beyond anything he thought was ever imaginable. He loved Kathryn Janeway with all that he was._

_Kissing her head still perched on his chest, his free hand pulled the strands of hair covering her face away so he could see her beautiful face, and the beautiful woman beneath her auburn tresses._

_Kathryn woke suddenly, and instantly she knew she was not alone, the warm body beneath her saying otherwise. She felt soft fingertips brush against her face as a path was made clear for her to see, as Chakotay drew back a few strands of hair blocking her vision. That was when she remembered, what had happened those few hours before, their night together and the unbreakable barriers Kathryn had placed before herself, so undeniably crossed._

_"Morning," Chakotay greeted her, stroking her hair and looking down at her, as she stared up at him with dazling blue eyes._

_"Hi," was all she could manage. She couldn't quite believe what had happened between them. It felt so wrong but yet so unequivocally right._

_..._

_Later that day, _

_Chakotay and Kathryn continued on as normal, working like any Commanding pair would and continued with the negotiations, but this time the looks that they gave each other were different, it felt natural, like they had always shared this connection but given what transpired between them that previous night, they knew that it was no coincidence and there was doubt about it, Kathryn and Chakotay now shared a more deeper understanding of each other than ever before. She could sense his presence as he could sense hers and their thoughts were as though they were one. This was love, and as Kathryn shook her head wondering how it could be that an Ensign could be so right and she could so wrong, love was like a disease. _

_The Command team were walking back in a comfortable silence to the Palace after a long day of trades with the Ambassador, when Kathryn suddenly rolled her ankle on a rock, she almost fell down but Chakotays reflexes were so quick that he quickly caught her under her arms and helped her to straighten herself, she grimaced as she felt a shooting pain in her ankle, she'd have to get the doctor to fix that when she got back to Voyager._

_Kathryn tried to brush it off like it was nothing, but Chakotay knew better, she would lie and say it was fine but he knew that was just her Captain's reflex._

_"Are you alright?" Chakotay asked her._

_"I'm fine."_

_Chakotay smiled to himself internally, but then looked back to Kathryn as she in her attempts to carry on walking normally began to limp, knowing it was hurting her Chakotay daringly wrapped an arm around her waist drawing her to him, urging her to put her weight on him so that he could help ease the discomfort until they could get back to Voyager. For a moment Kathryn struggled to let herself be aided, but with all that happened between them that previous night, she knew that Chakotay genuinely cared for her, more than she would ever know._

_"You can lean on me, Kathryn."_

_"I know," she whispered slowly wrapping her own arm around his waist, which he instantly responded to, weaving his fingers through hers bringing them together in a way that could only be described as innocent intimacy._

_As she leant into Chakotay, Kathryn looked up at him, her soft smile matching his own. Maybe things were possible for them, maybe a reality did exist for them aboard Voyager, a reality in which Kathryn would not have to choose between duty and love._

**To be continued...**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **_Thank you for the reviews and such everyone. It keeps me motivated to write more. _

* * *

><p>As the doors to the holodeck opened, Chakotay carefully placed Kathryn down in the middle of the room. The holodeck was barren and more sterile looking than sickbay, with nothing but the holo-emitters to furnish the walls.<p>

It was hardly an environment in appearance or equipt to bring a child into. But all that seemed irrelevant now.

Kathryn focused on her breathing as the Doctor fussed over her, but truth be told, she didn't want to be bothered. She was uncomfortable and in more ways than one.

"I don't suppose either of you programed a birthing suite holoprogram?" the Doctor joked lightheartedly to himself, which wasn't unheard by the expectant parents.

Kathryn and Chakotay looked at the Doctor incredulously. The silence indicating that they were neither impressed by the stupidity of his question.

"Sorry," the Doctor apologized quickly, laying a blanket out that was thankfully stored in his medical bag. He knew if the baby was anything like its parents then its birth was going to be unpredictable and if anything _far_ from normal. So in preparation for this, the Doctor had stocked his med kit well in advance.

Chakotay stood back and watched while the Doctor presided over his duties. He wasn't sure what to do at that point. One conversation they had never had was what would happen when Kathryn gave birth. Aside from their professional talk and his appearances at her scans, they were still not on speaking terms. So Chakotay stood there, Kathryn in obvious pain with a baby who seemed eager to enter the world as soon as possible, not knowing what to do. Despite the circumstances and the silent resentment he held towards her for months, he hated seeing her in such a state. They may not have come to any mutual agreement about their circumstances, but he still cared for her and not just because she would soon be the mother of his child.

The Doctor shot Chakotay a look as to encourage him to assist him, bringing him out of any reasoning he could force his mind to believe, that betrayed his being present. So he simply knelt down and helped the Doctor free her of her pants. An action that didn't seem so unfamiliar to him a few months before. In fact he had once relished the very act of it.

Kathryn wasn't in any state to object to Chakotay's participation to that particular action. As far as she was concerned, when it came to childbirth, no boundaries could ever exist.

Kathryn shifted uncomfortably on the hardness of the ground.

"Captain, remain still," the Doctor daringly stated, then immediately regretted those very words when he was met by one of her famous death glares.

"I'm sorry Doctor, how about you try giving birth in what may as well be a _stone_ cave."

"Point taken."

"I thought so," she huffed, flinging her head back.

Chakotay still didn't know where he stood at that point. Kathryn's obvious discomfort unsettled him also. The transporters were still offline, and at this point sickbay was out of the equation. He saw her frustration and even more so as the holodeck was not a place that she wanted to be in.

It's one thing to attend scans and doctors appointments, but it's another thing to be present when one is in their most vulnerable state. In some respects it was almost too much for Chakotay to handle, but he couldn't afford to think like that at this time. Regardless of their current personal situation, Kathryn needed him now more than ever.

His mind flipped back to happier times. Happier memories. His mind wandering back to a time and a place when he had seen her truly happy and most content.

New Earth.

...

_**8 months ago...**_

_"Kathryn?" a deep voice sounded, sending muffled vibrations through her head as she slowly began to slip over the thin line of unconsciousness. The repitious sound of the deep but gentle voice continued to echo through her head._

_"Kathryn?" it called once more, this time being met by a light nudge to her shoulder._

_"What is it Chakotay?" she spoke dryly._

_The emotionless tone in her voice making it apparent that she was not impressed by his wake up call. Evident even more so when Kathryn, made no further attempt to bring herself from her blissful slumber. Her eyes remained tightly shut and her body lay deathly still as though it were paralyzed by the weight of the blanket._

_"Our duty shift starts in 20 minutes."_

_The pearcing blue eyes that were enclosed only a few moments before suddenly fluttered to life._

_"What?" Kathryn questioned, her voice offering no doubt of surprise._

_Registering the words Chakotay had just spoken, she willfully forced herself to a sitting position where she found Chakotay sitting on the edge of the bed beside her._

_Unlike her current state, he was fully dressed in a crisp Starfleet uniform. His hair freshly groomed and his face exerting a refreshed glow about him that told her that he had been up for quite sometime. But the look on Chakotay's face was not his usual soft smile he became regarded to use as he greated her in the mornings, but rather it was replaced by a perplexed expression as he looked fixatedly at her sleepy form. Clearly he looked more disconcerted than her._

_Leaving no time to dwell on the situation, Kathryn pulled back the covers of the bed exposing her body to the chill as she left the warm haven she had clearly become far too comfortable in._

_Chakotay stood up allowing her to shift out of bed, his face trying to scan her own for an answer that Kathryn in her own mind did not have._

_"I'll be ready soon," she whispered faintly, padding over to the bathroom to take what would now have to be a quick sonic shower._

_Kathryn was known for many things, but never was she known to oversleep and if Chakotay knew anything the past few weeks they had been together, then it was that Kathryn always rose well before her duty shift began.__Ever since their night together on Brilarix, Kathryn had done her honest best to continue the relationship that was irrivocably formed from that moment on, despite the years that she had fought to keep such a relationship from ever happening._

_But if it was one thing they agreed on, it was that secrecy and discretion was of the uttermost importance if they were ever going to be together.__What the crew didn't know couldn't hurt them. As far Kathryn was concerned, what happens in the Captain's private life, stays in her private life._

_Now five weeks later, Kathryn looked meticulously at the weary image staring back at her in the mirror. Far from the rejuvenated woman she had become acustomed to seeing in her reflection._

_Perhaps it was the Volocity game they had had the night before? Perhaps it was her body simply catching up with all the sleep she had deprived herself of, over the years?_

_But one thing for certain, was that Kathryn Janeway was unquestionably more tired than usual._

_…_

_The next two days passed as a blur. At least in Kathryn's opinion. _

_Tom had charged chipperly into her ready room early that morning while Kathryn sat behind her desk, drowning in a pile of PADDS that she had failed to complete the night before._

_Drinking her second cup of coffee in an ardent pace, she grudginly looked down at the work she had to do before her, then looked up at the overly exuberant Tom Paris beaming down at her, in his hands holding the new schematics for the upgrades to the Delta Flyer which he had been working intently on for the past few months._

_She wanted to kill him._

_Not because he was about to hand her yet another job she had to do, but because of the amount of energy that he seemed to have. It didn't seem fair. Especially since she still felt so utterly drained despite the early night she had just had, explaining the pile of PADDS that was now regrettably staring at her, waiting for her to complete._

_Downing the last of her coffee she leant back and proceeded to skim over the schematics, but the scientist in her betrayed her as she failed to put any insightful effort into studying it, finally handing the schematics back to the eager Pilot with her approval as long as Commander Chakotay approved._

_Never had she been more thankful for having a First Officer than then. She just dearly hoped that Chakotay had more sense or more importantly, the energy to thoroughly examine Tom's proposal._

_..._

_Later that night,_

_The Command team found themselves enjoying a quiet dinner in Chakotay's quarters._

_Quiet being the operative word._

_It was an unusual dinner. Kathryn barely picked at her dinner and hardly said a word to him. Only when Chakotay was finished eating did Kathryn finally stir, giving some motion of life, dabbing the napkin to her mouth then placed it down on the table._

_"I've got an early shift tomorrow. I better call it a night," she said abruptly then stood up to leave._

_"Kathryn, what's going on?" Chakotay questioned delicately, standing up quickly not letting her leave without first clearing the air. "You've seemed...distant these past few days."_

_"Nothing's going on, Chakotay," she brushed it off quickly, forcing herself not to linger on the real meaning behind his words. "I'm fine. I just need an early night, that's all."_

_"Why don't you stay here?" he moved forward closing the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her waist so that their bodies were touching._

_"I missed you last night," he whispered into her ear then lovingly placing a kiss to her neck just below it. Kathryn tilted her neck to receive the kiss almost surrendering in temptation before she regained composure by placing her hands on his chest like a wall between them, breaking the close contact that they just a moment before had._

_"Another night," she answered feebly, giving him a weak smile in her attempt to persuade him that she was alright. But he knew better than that._

_"It's still early. I'm sure you have better things to do than to watch me sleep," she trailed on._

_Chakotay could have argued with her. Told her that there was nothing else he would rather do than watch her sleep. The peaceful, serene look on her face as she slept, the rise and fall of her chest and the feeling of sheer happiness that he felt by just being next to her. But from the look of her, the tiredness was without a doubt evident on her face, he let it go for the time being._

_ Letting his grasp on her go. The warmth radiating from their bodies left him upon the loss of contact, suddenly making him feel vacant, cold and incomplete without her._

_"I'll see you tomorrow," she tried to back away slowly but not before Chakotay pulled her into a gentle goodnight kiss, which she all but weakly returned. _

_When their eyes opened, they looked at each other for a second before Kathryn turned to leave._

_"Goodnight, Kathryn," Chakotay called to her before the doors to his quarters opened for her._

_She turned back to him slowly as she heard the swoosh of the doors open._

_"Goodnight, Chakotay."_

_…_

_The next few days continued on as strangely as the previous few days had._

_ Kathryn and Chakotay had been inseparable in their private lives for weeks, ever since Brilarix, and now it was as though it had never happened. Like they had never happened._

_That day it found Kathryn and Chakotay working on their reports separately, on the couch in her ready room. _

_"Kathryn?" Chakotay called her name for what seemed like the thousandth time that day._

_"Yes, Chakotay..." she said in a mockingly annoyed tone._

_"We've been doing reports for hours. Let's stop for a while. Perhaps have dinner on the holodeck?"_

_"Have you seen the size of Tuvok's Tactical report?" she threw him a quick glance at the PADD she had just a moment ago been intensely studying. _

_"I'll be lucky enough to finish it by the time we reach the Alpha Quadrant."_

_"It's just dinner," Chakotay stated the obvious. "Everyone has to eat."_

_"I'm not hungry," she pushed it aside._

_"That's what you said last night."_

_"Well maybe that's because it's true," she answered casually, her eyes forcefully glued to the PADD in her hand, refusing to deviated from it. _

_Chakotay shot her an unrelenting expression, one so serious that Kathryn could almost feel the sheer intensity of his eyes burning two holes into her forehead._

_Yielding to his gaze Kathryn finally withdrew her eyes from the PADD and __Locked on to Chakotay's dark brown orbs. She saw the love that seemed to be passionately engraved within each of them, almost as though they were the portal to his soul. Bequeathing his very love for her as though he had only moments to live._

_Unfortunately for Chakotay, it wasn't enough to win the fight against Kathryn Janeway._

_"Look, you order something for yourself, be my guest," she gestured with a limp wrist flick to her replicator."Right now, I have work to do."_

_Rubbing her temples, Kathryn once more looked fixatedly at the PADD, blinking a few times to refocus her mind back to the data or more importantly...trying to stay awake._

_To say that she was a little irritated was an understatement. That feeling of irritability had been her constant companion for the past few days, more so by the lack of sleep that she felt she had been getting, regardless of the fact that lately she had been getting more sleep than she had ever had in the Delta Quadrant. It all seemed inadequate to her now, and at the end of the day, it was simply not enough._

_Adding to her growing irritation was Chakotay's persistence about anything personal related. The irritation being that she simply had no time for a personal life._

_At the end of her shifts she would have little energy, little patience and little time. There was simply not enough hours in a day, and to spend the few precious moments that she had away from the demands of her duty, with Chakotay who she knew would want to do more than simply curl up and go to bed, tired her even more. It wasn't his fault. He had done nothing wrong that warranted irritation from her, but yet she couldn't help but feel that way about him. _

_Kathryn let her mind wander for a moment, but still looking as intently at her PADD as she had before to not rouse another bout of suspicion from Chakotay._

_Maybe her recent behavior was a sign?_

_Though a scientist at heart she couldn't help but look at it from a spiritual side. After all, if it were meant to be, then everything should be as normal._

_But it wasn't._

_Something definitely felt...wrong._

_…_

_Two days later,_

_Seven had detected several small planetary systems that were rich in minerals and supplies that Voyager was beginning to be well in need of. Heading to Astrometrics to confirm her findings, Kathryn was struck by a sudden idea and as soon as she had examined the findings, Kathryn rode the turbolift to the bridge where she then stepped out and addressed the Starfleet officers all working busily at their posts._

_"All Senior staff please report to the briefing room."_

_Kathryn strode to the briefing room leaving the others to look at their Second in Command Officer, for answers to this sudden meeting. __But like the rest of them, Chakotay had no idea and could not offer them anything by the way of answers. He simply shrugged, stood up and addressed them all, making his own way to the briefing room._

_"You heard the Captain."_

_Chakotay was the first one in the room, going over to Kathryn who sat with her hands clasped together on the table awaiting everyone's arrival, he took his seat by her side and leaned into her a little, whispering as the rest of the Oficers began to fill the room._

_"What's this about, Captain?"_

_"You'll find out soon enough," she replied in an expressionless tone._

_As soon as the Senior Officers were seated Kathryn began the meeting._

_"Mr Kim, I hear you're familiar with the recent scans from Astrometrics?"_

_"Yes Captain, Seven and I discovered the planetary systems this morning."_

_She had it all planned._

_This was just what she needed._

_An away mission._

_It had been a strange week. Both she and Chakotay had been aware of that. Aware that things between them were somehow...different._

_Kathryn looked to Chakotay glancingly and as she did so, she saw that look again. That look that told her that an away mission was just what she needed, for the looks Chakotay gave her defied the secret nature of their relationship._

_She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. The worry, the concern...the love._

_It was a chance to get away from him, get away from Voyager. If anyone needed an escape, it was her and this was as close to shoreleave as Kathryn could get. Because if she was being honest with herself, what she really was, was afraid._

_Afraid that because she had given into temptation, everything that she knew, would all soon change._

_"Good," Kathryn continued. "Mr Paris, how is the upgrades to the Delta Flyer going? I heard you're almost finshed."_

_"A few more hours and I believe she'll be fit to fly."_

_"Are you eager to test her out, Mr Paris?"_

_"Yes Captain," he replied enthusiastically, like a kid wanting to take his new toy out for a spin._

_Kathryn inwardly smiled at his enthusiasm. She only wished that she could have such an emotion again._

_As she continued to explain the away mission in detail, Chakotay began to become increasingly aware that this was no short away mission she had planned. From experience he knew this wasn't going to take a few days, not even a week, but two._

_As Kathryn concluded her briefing, she looked to the two Officers who she had planned to accompany her._

_"Well then, Tom, Harry" she looked at them both in turn, "You're with me. We'll leave at 0800 tomorrow morning._

_"B'Elanna, give Mr Paris a help with the Delta Flyer, see that it's ready for launch tomorrow morning."_

_B'Elanna nodded, "Aye, Captain. "_

_"Dismissed."_

_As everyone stood up to leave. Chakotay sat rigidly in his chair looking to Kathryn for some insight into her sudden away mission._

_"Kathryn?" he began once everyone had left the room._

_"I don't have time, Commander," she waved him off. __"I have a lot of things to do before tomorrow," she said hurriedly, standing up and marching swiftly past him, giving Chakotay no time to stop her._

_As Kathryn left, Chakotay leant back in his chair running a hand through his hair and down his face in frustration. What was wrong between them? Why hadn't she consulted her sudden announcement with him like she would normally do. Even Tuvok raised an eyebrow in surprise during the briefing. A few weeks before, she used to share everything with him, but now it would seem that things were going on a reverse course._

_…_

_The next morning,_

_Kathryn walked the halls on her way to the shuttlebay. Chakotay had to jog to catch up with her as she burst out of the turbolift and darted straight down the hall, all the while giving Chakotay an in-depth lecture on all the systems she'd like him to keep an eye on._

_"Yes Captain, I'll take care of everything."_

_"Good, and see to it that-"_

_"Kathryn," he interupted her, "I've got everything covered."_

_Taken back by his words, she swept a loose stand of hair away from her face, finally making eye contact with him for the first time that morning._

_"I don't suppose this is the first time I've left you in command," her voice softened._

_"No, and I don't doubt it will be the last."_

_She quietened at his answer, realizing just how much of their professional relationship she actually relied on._

_"I guess not."_

_Sighing, Chakotay plucked up the courage to address the situation, "Kathryn, what's going on?" trying to look into her eyes for hidden answers. "Why are you avoiding me?"_

_"I'm not avoiding you, Commander," she retorted, "I'm just simply...busy, now-"_

_"No it's more than 'just busy' and you know it."_

_"Chakotay, I don't have time to talk right now-" she began to get irritated, and if her tone was any indication, then Chakotay now knew it too.__But before they could say anymore, they had arrived at the shuttlebay doors._

_Stepping forward to enter the shuttlebay without any intention to continue their conversation, Chakotay stopped Kathryn by gripping her forearm firmly to force her to stop._

_"Fine. But we're not finished here, Kathryn," he held her firmly, and gazed into her eyes, compelling her to do the same. "As soon as you're back we're finishing this conversation, alright?"_

_A moment passed before her eyes that were narrowly glowering at him began to soften as she gave a small sigh in return._

_"Alright."_

_Now that she looked into his eyes, she could see that he was truly concerned for her. In that moment she began to feel guilty. Chakotay had done nothing wrong as far as she was concerned. He was the exact person whom she had given into. Whom she had passionately made love to that night on Brilarix. He was the same gentle man who had taken her then and ever since shown his love for her, and the weeks following that night._

_However, unlike Chakotay, Kathryn wasn't that same person. She felt different. That was the purpose of the away mission after all. To put things into perspective. However she knew that it was still unfair to him. _

_Looking into Chakotays warm eyes once more, she surprisingly reached up and placed a small peck on his lips as a parting goodbye._

_"See you when I get back."_

_..._

_One week later,_

_Delta Flyer_

_Things moved slowly aboard the Delta flyer. They were halfway through collecting the minerals from the planetary systems, and like Chakotay had calculated, it would be another week until they would be done._

_Tom and Harry could tell that something was going on with The Captain. The Delta Flyer after all was not huge and they had already been confined together for a week._

_Kathryn had grown pale shortly after they left Voyager. Captain Janeway was usually lively during away missions and engaged with her crew in social banter when they weren't formally working. However this time she was neither lively nor social, instead she seemed withdrawn and strictly focused on her work._

_She also didn't eat much, if at all .That much Tom and Harry knew._

_Excusing herself to the restroom when her attempts to suppress the nausea failed, she threw up the meager contents of her stomach. Afterwards Kathryn simply straightened herself and continued with her work, like it had never happened._

_But it did._

_And it continued to plague her everyday for the next week._

_…_

_On their seventh day on their away mission, things only seemed to get worse._

_"Sustain heading-" Kathryn ordered abruptly then quickly covered her mouth with a closed fist, holding back a particularly nauseating feeling._

_Though Tom and Harry continued on as normally as they could, pretending for her sake that they hadn't taken notice of her pale appearance and her struggle to Command them in her sickly manner. They knew that things were not as it ought to be. _

_Waiting a few minutes to let the feeling subside, Kathryn slowly stood up from her console._

_"I'm going to lie down," she announced quietly._

_Once she had left the room, Tom and Harry looked at each other questioningly. They were both thinking it...they had concerns for the Captain._

_Putting the shuttle on auto-pilot Tom bravely followed Kathryn into the next room, where he found her sitting tiredly on one of the beds, her head hanging down in a weak state._

_"Captain," he cleared his throat, "Could I have a word with you?"_

_"Can it wait, Mr Paris?" she pinched the bridge of her nose._

_"No maam, I don't think it can," he came fully into the room until he sat directly in front of her._

_She eyed him._

_"Something wrong?" she asked him. _

_Tom scratched the spot behind his ear before he continued._

_"Yes, but not with me. It's you."_

_Her jaw tightened. It seems that of all her talents, acting wasn't one of them._

_"I'm-"_

_"Captain," Tom daringly interrupted her. "With all due respect. You assigned me to be Voyagers medic and so as a medic, I can honestly tell you that I know you haven't been feeling well and if I know you well enough to recognize that, then you're not 'fine'."_

_They didn't say anything. A lingering silence fell heavily on them. Eventually Kathryn lifted her head and without speaking, she gave Tom an approving nod. It was a silent permission._

_He knew what she meant._

_Walking over to retrieve the medical kit, Tom pulled out a Medical Tricorder from its contents then returned to Kathryn sitting palidly on the bed, a deathly silence still looming in the air._

_Tom ran the Tricorder slowly down her weak frame, until a bleeping sound alerted him of something startling._

_Tom's bewildered eyes slowly travelled from the Tricorder to the Captain._

_"You're pregnant..."_

_Kathryn didn't flinch. _

_"Seven weeks," he continued._

_Letting the silence that encompassed the room come to an end, she nodded slowly._

_It wasn't a surprise to her. She felt it coming._

_Kathryn had her suspicions as soon as the sickness had begun. She was only in denial._

_She and Chakotay were two consenting adults after all. _

_Tom felt awkward. From the look on her face...which was no look at all. He wasn't sure whether he should congratulate her or not, so he stayed silent, letting her process the news._

_Kathryn kept her head down avoiding eye contact as she spoke._

_"I would appreciate it, if you would keep this to yourself for the time being."_

_"Of course, Captain," Tom stood up to leave deciding to give her a moment alone._

_"Captain?" he called just before he left the room._

_Kathryn finally looked up weakly at him. He had never seen her look more vulnerable and if he dare say it, scared in her life._

_The Captain maybe her position and name aboard Voyager, but until this moment he had forgotten that what Kathryn Janeway really was, was a woman._

_"I'll keep an eye on everything so you can rest. Take as long as you need."_

_"Thank you," she whispered._

_She sat in silence, completely aware that now that it was confirmed, everything was about to change._

**_To be continued..._**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: _Okay this chapter will finally give you all the answers that you have been waiting for since the very beginning. The story itself is not quite finished yet, but it will solve the mystery and curiosity i'm sure._

….

Kathryn was stunned.

It was a moment like no other. Like the universe stood still.

The holodeck that moments before was but a barren, sterile environment was suddenly transformed into a tranquil paradise.

The ground was no longer hard and metallic, instead its hardened surface softened into a bed of lush green grass that cushioned Kathryn as she laid upon it. Tall magnificent trees surrounded the lush green area, swishing silently as it carried a gentle warm breeze that cooled Kathryn in her flushed state.

Beyond the peak of the trees, the gentle ripple of a flowing current signified that a river was nearby. Looking above at the sky, which was a wash of dull blue, a cluster of shining stars dotted this perfect canvas, illustrating the gradual settling into the night.

A bright light shone over her right side, breaking through the dimness, lighting a path in her direction and her surroundings that alerted her that there was some form of shelter in this paradise.

Without needing to closely examine the shelter, she knew exactly what it was.

Exactly where she was.

Everything about this place seemed right. It felt untouched, undisturbed. A place so peaceful and secluded. It wasn't home.

It was _their_ home.

It was perfect and so intricately detailed. The warmth, the smell, the sound. This was no days work, Kathryn knew that for sure. Chakotay had obviously gone into a meticulous amount of detail when writing this program. It seemed so real. It was as though they had never left.

It had been years since New Earth and yet Chakotay had never once mentioned the program to her that he had so obviously poured his heart and soul into creating.

Suddenly all of the anger, disappointment, hurt and sadness of her situation disappeared. All that mattered now was that moment.

The man before her was not a man who fell in love with her on Brilarix, but rather he was the one person who had loved her for years...ever since New Earth. His feelings for her extended much further than their first night spent together on shoreleave.

How could she have been so blind?

Kathryn felt touched and for the first time since she broke the news to him, she allowed herself to bring the feelings back which she had for Chakotay, that she had forcibly bottled away.

She let her guard down, "Chakotay..."

Chakotay stood silently trying to remain calm, but he was anything but that. So many emotions ran through his mind and it was all because this one woman was doing this to him. She was like a disease he couldn't escape, he was drawn to her, no matter what suffering she may have put him through. The excuses. The differences of opinions. The separation of duty. Everything that defied their relationship and being together.

Kathryn knew what he must think of her now. Everything she had put him through those past few months, it was irreparable. He deserved to hate her, and he was right to move on with Seven. Only now did she realize how badly she had behaved in support of the relationship, after all, she no longer had a claim on him. That much she had made clear.

But after a moment passed, Chakotay spoke in a gentle voice, which surprised Kathryn.

"No matter how much I try...I can't stop loving you," he began, "and I know you won't allow anything to happen between us, so I've tried to accept that." His gentle tone began to change to one of seriousness, "But that doesn't mean I can just switch off my feelings for you, Kathryn. Not like that, and not right now."

Chakotay looked down at her. Obvious emotion was spread across her face as well, but what he didn't know was that she was battling an inner war between herself. As she listened to his heartfelt speech, she felt as though the clock of time had reversed and they were back in her ready room those seven months ago.

This time it was different.

Despite everything that had happened between them, in this moment she needed him.

She watched as Chakotay struggled to finally admit his feelings to her, and with fear of crossing the line again and not knowing what her reaction may be, he backed away before he could cause any more damage between them.

"Stay..." Kathryn let slip before she could even think about it, already feeling the distance between them drawing away her strength, "Please," she gritted through the pain, "I need you."

It was the answer Chakotay had been waiting for all along. No matter what the circumstances were he couldn't leave her to do this alone.

He took a step forward then crouched down beside her.

"Then I'm here for you."

…

**Seven months ago...**

_When the away team returned two weeks later after their excursion, the Doctor was more than eager to catch up on each and every one of the away team, mainly Captain Janeway. Just having another excuse to bring her into sickbay to do her physical, thrilled him. _

_Kathryn, along with Tom and Harry walked tiredly out of the shuttlebay with their only thoughts of having a sonic shower and a good rest in their own bed._

_"Captain!" the Doctor rejoiced, in his ploy to lure her into a physical which she always avoided._

_Kathryn held up her hand to stop him speaking any further._

_"I am well aware of the away team protocol, Doctor."_

_"Wonderful," he beamed, "So you first?"_

_"Another day," she quickly shot him down in a deadpan tone, adjusting her bag on her shoulder and marching quickly away from him down the corridor. _

_"Give it up Doc," Harry patted his shoulder, "Captain Janeway never goes to her physicals and she isn't about to start going now."_

_Tom suddenly felt awkward and picked up his pace to get ahead of them before the Doctor could get to him next. He felt uncomfortable enough not sharing the Captain's secret with Harry, his best friend, let alone hiding it from the one person from a medical point who needed to know the most._

_"Well seeing as you put it that way Ensign Kim, looks like you've just volunteered to go first."_

_"Oh no, Doc..."_

_"Yes, now come along," The Doctor beamed._

_The past two weeks had been rather uneventful for him, so he was glad to finally have a job to do. In__ the Doctors firm grip as he towed him by the arm, Harry pleaded to his best friend for help._

_"Tom?"_

_"Take one for the Team, Harry," Tom simply replied, looking ahead and keeping a good distance from Captain Janeway. After two weeks together, he understood that she would appreciate some alone time for the time being._

_For one whole week, Tom had known about the Captain's condition. For one whole week he had kept it from his best friend, however small the shuttle was and the Captain feeling no better than the day that he had first confirmed it._

_She seemed to be taking it hard and the news difficult to process, but Tom had covered for her and worked longer hours so she could rest more, but without it being overly suspicious so that Harry would notice._

_Tom wasn't sure what Captain Janeway was thinking. What he did know was that she was definitely finding her situation very difficult and he understood that and allowed her the time to think things through, neither bringing up her pregnancy for the remainder of the away mission._

_Tom only wished that the Doctor was there. During this time that she needed someone of his medical expertise to discuss her situation with._

_..._

_The next day,_

_As Tom helped the Doctor during his duty shift in sickbay, he__ heard the Doctor comm the Captain, pestering her to see him about her mandatory two week away mission physical._

_Tom knew as soon as she'd come in for her physical, then her secret wouldn't be a secret from the Doctor no more. _

_Only Tom Paris knew and if the sound of the Captain's apathetic voice over the comm line, trying to avoid her physical with Command excuses was anything to go by, then he knew that he was still the only one who knew. _

_"Doc, she'll see you when she's ready."_

_The Doctor took note of the way Tom sounded as he said it, "Are you insinuating something Mr Paris? Something that I should be made aware of. Because as Chief Medical-?"_

_"I'm not saying anything Doctor," Tom replied as casually as he could, "I wouldn't be worried though, i'm sure it won't be too long until she'll see you."_

_"Hmmm" the Doctor suspiciously noted, then went back to sterilizing his equipment._

_…_

_A day later, _

_It was late afternoon that found Captain Janeway sitting behind her desk in her ready room, with her usual pile of PADDS. She looked well rested for once, but her pallor had not changed._

_"Yes, Mr Paris?" she called as he entered her ready room._

_Once the door had slid shut he spoke up._

_"The Doctor is insisting that you see him."_

_Without looking up from her computer terminal, she answered him in an emotionless tone._

_"I'm not ready to see him yet."_

_"Of course...I guess you'd like to tell, Chakotay first," he responded audaciously, his hands clasped behind his back in a formal stance._

_Her head shot up at his remark, narrowing her eyes she gave him a death glare accordingly._

_"There's no use in pretending that he isn't the father, Captain. We all know you've been dancing around each other for years,"he__ crossed his arms over his chest proudly,"I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner actually."_

_What Tom saw next saddened him. He saw the self disappointment on her face and the hopelessness, almost as though her pregnancy was an incurable terminal illness._

_Kathryn stood up from behind her desk and walked over to her viewport, crossing her arms protectively over her chest as she looked out at the stars._

_Tom sighed, then tried a softer approach, coming up beside her._

_"The Doctor isn't going to let this go anytime soon. I'll try fend him off as long as I can, but this isn't exactly something you can hide forever."_

_"I'm well aware of that, Lieutenant," she replied coldly, leaning her head back trying to fight off the nausea._

_He may not be the Captain's best friend, but right now he was the only one who knew about her condition and as a son of an Admiral who lived his life by the protocols and expectations of Starfleet he knew that this was not something to be thought of lightly._

_Especially in the Delta Quadrant._

_Digging into his pocket, Tom pulled out a hypospray._

_"I stole this from sickbay," he grinned guiltily, "So to save my ass, you might want to see the Doctor sooner rather than later, before he knows this is missing."_

_Tom lifted the hypospray to her and she tilted her neck to receive it._

_She gave him a small grateful smile as she rubbed her neck after the hypospray was injected, working its way to ease her nausea. She was thankful to have Tom, he had turned into the most promising Lieutenant she had ever known. He had turned his life around when she had given him a second chance, though circumstances forced them together. But still Kathryn couldn't help but be proud of the kind, gentle, caring man he was now. _

_"Thank you."_

_Tom nodded then turned to leave, deciding that it wouldn't be appropriate to push her into anything more for the time being. He knew that the truth will come out in due course._

_"I'll-" she stopped him. "I'll see him tonight."_

_Tom gave her a small smile, before his face became serious._

_"I hope that you do, Captain."_

_..._

_That night, _

_After pacing her quarters and going through every conceivable excuse that she could think of to avoid going to sickbay, Kathryn finally put her empty coffee mug down and marched out of her quarters, leaving no room to debate the question any longer._

_She had managed to avoid Chakotay only due to the fact that he and B'Elanna were in the midst of a hoverball championship on their off duty times and he'd given Kathryn a day to rest after such a long away mission. He knew from experience what it was like and he'd allowed her the time to unwind._

_Walking into sickbay she looked around. Thankfully it was empty. Just the way she wanted it. It was exceptionally clean with everything neat and orderly. She thought to herself that her life used to be like that. Organized and centered just the way she managed and controlled it. But settling back to reality she looked at how things had turned out for her now._

_ It was everything but that._

_Walking over to a biobed she grazed her finger tips along the edge of its cushioned surface, she was contemplating taking the last step and pluck up the courage to activate the Doctor but before she could do that her thoughts were interupted by the Doctors startling voice._

_"Captain, well isn't this a surprise," The Doctor remarked, emerged from his office. She must not have noticed that he was there or even activated, "After all," he continued, "It's only been...two days, but whose counting."_

_Trying to ignore his blatant use of sarcasm she went along with it, "Yes, I know Doctor, I've been...preoccupied..." she said dubiously, pulling herself up onto the biobed weakily._

_The Doctor observed her dejected manner and aura that she carried about her._

_"Captain are you alright?"_

_"Depends on your definition of alright," she muttered to herself._

_The Doctor wasn't a psychologist, but he most certainly could tell that at this point she wasn't the strong, steadfast woman she always presented herself as._

_Retrieving a medical tricorder on a nearby tray, the Doctor opened it and began to scan her. His focus from the scanner occasionally slipped as he averted his eyes from the scanner to look at her, looking in between glances he saw the downcast expression on her face which troubled him. Finally the tricorder flashed with the evidence that explained everything to him._

_"Captain..." his eyes widened and his voice registered surprise. Clearly this was the last thing he was expecting. _

_"I know," she whispered in a weak voice, lowering her head._

_Closing the tricorder he stepped forward and put a hand on her forearm in comfort._

_"Have you told the Commander?"_

_She shook her head slowly._

_Putting an appropriate distance between them again, he opened the tricorder once more and informed her of his readings._

_"From what I can tell so far, it is a healthy 8 week old fetus."_

_Kathryn's hand came to her mouth as she fought off the undeniable feeling of sickness she felt to have the Doctor not confirm that she was pregnant in so many words. That she knew. But to confirm that there was actually a living growing being inside of her, made her situation all the more real. _

_The hypospray that Tom had given her hours before had now since worn off and she could feel the sickness that she felt in the pit of her stomach begin to stir again. _

_"This should help with the nausea, Captain," the Doctor observed her pale complexion, and appropriately prescribed a solution to it by pressing a hypospray to her neck._

_"I take it this wasn't planned?"_

_"No. No it wasn't."_

_"Would you like to discuss, options?"_

_She was silent for a moment but she had her own principles and knew that she couldn't do that no matter how inappropriate her situation was._

_ "No. This was partly my fault, so I intend to follow it through."_

_The Doctor smiled at her answer before he spoke, "I think I speak for the entire crew when I say, we'll get you through this." _

_Kathryn looked away. At this point she didn't know what she felt about it all. It was all a bunch of emotions and hormones. _

_"Would you like to see it Captain?" _

_"No," she whispered, "Not yet."_

_ She couldn't face it. How could she look at her child one minute and then the next, make what would be the hardest decision she would ever have to make. It made destroying the array seem like an easy choice._

_"I'll draw a nutritional plan for you, for the time being and i'd like to schedule another appointment in four weeks."_

_Kathryn nodded. _

_"And I mean this truly when I say four weeks, Captain. Not four months."_

_"Understood."_

_"Do you have any questions, concerns, anything at all?"_

_"No," she whispered weakly._

_The Doctor nodded, "Well you know where I am if you do."_

_She gave him a firm nod, then stood up to leave._

_"Oh and Captain," the Doctor stopped her at the door._

_"Congratulations."_

_She looked back at him and gave him a weak smile, then left._

_…_

_Two days later,_

_After Kathryn's visit to sickbay, she knew it was only a matter of minutes, hours or days until Chakotay would insist to see her. She had limited her time on the bridge the first day after the night she went to sickbay and claimed a headache later night when Chakotay wanted to have dinner. However on the second day when she had declined to have lunch with him, Chakotay finally decided enough was enough._

_Barging into her Ready Room later that afternoon Kathryn simply looked up, making no motion to fight him about his unauthorized entry._

_He wanted answers and it was clearly written on his face that he wasn't going to leave until he got them. He had been patient and had waited far too long._

_"It's impolite to barge in here without permission, Commander," she stated dispassionately._

_"What's impolite is leaving suddenly on a two week away mission and then afterwards avoiding me for the next few days, when you agreed that we could talk about whatever was bothering you before the away mission when you got back and what's obviously still bothering you now. I want some answers, Kathryn."_

_"Fine," she gave up, walking out from behind her desk. She couldn't put it off any longer and he had a right to know._

_"I presume you remember what happened on Brilarix?" she began._

_"Of course I do, Kathryn," he said incredulously, "What is this about?"_

_"I'm pregnant."_

_It was straight to the point._

_Slowly the realization dawned on Chakotay, until gradually a smile crept on his face. He took a step forward and clutched his hands onto her forearms looking into her eyes. _

_"Then why do you sound and look as though this is a bad thing?"_

_"Because it is," she answered, shrugging his hands off her, then stepped back, withdrawing herself from him and creating distance between them._

_"Kathryn?"_

_"I know that what I'm going to say next might come as a shock to you, so you may want to sit down."_

_Perplexed, Chakotay pushed forwards, "I'm fine where I am."_

_"Suit yourself," she answered, then sighed, garnering the courage to do the unspeakable._

_"I can't do this anymore. This-" she waved a hand between them, "has to stop."_

_Chakotay looked puzzled. _

_"What are you talking about, Kathryn? You just told me that you're pregnant."_

_"I know," she replied in all seriousness._

_He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a step back, trying to contemplate what it was that she was getting at._

_ "Let me get one thing straight, are you having the baby?"_

_"Yes."_

_"But you're saying that we can't be together anymore?"_

_"Correct."_

_"Kathryn, you can't do this alone."_

_She crossed her arms over her chest, "Yes I can and I will, Commander."_

_He shook his head not accepting her answer, "Oh we're well past formalities now."_

_"Well what do you expect, Chakotay?" she exhaled. "Give into a public relationship and destroy the command structure I've been trying to maintain?"_

_"That may have been the case before, but things are different now. Things are going to change and things have already changed."_

_"I'm aware of that, but I can't allow things between us to progress any further. I know we agreed that things between us would remain private. But things have gone too far this time. It can't continue."_

_"It's my child too," he said sadly, his eyes full of emotion._

_"I know that," she paused trying calm herself, "And I'm not denying you of any rights as a father."_

_"But you're denying...us."_

_she remained silent._

_"Answer me," he snapped a little more forceful than he would have liked to._

_"Yes."_

_A deadly silence followed. _

_"What exactly are you planning on telling the crew?"_

_"I haven't quite decided yet. I still have a few weeks before anyone else needs to know...__I'm sorry Chakotay. This is just how it has to be. I can't be a mother, Voyager's Captain and your lover!"_

_"Why not? I fail to see how all of this is relevant now. The damage has already been done."_

_She waved a hand in the air to stop him,"Chakotay, please don't make this harder than it already is."_

_"Oh," he scoffed, "So this is a hard decision for you is it?"_

_"If you think that I haven't thought about this considerably then you're wrong." She argued, her tone the most serious that he had ever heard. "I've spent the past two weeks thinking every minute about this."_

_"Then you obviously need more time to think Kathryn. Can't you see how wrong this is!"_

_She let a moment pass trying to collect herself and remain calm, "I know this doesn't seem fair-"_

_"Oh fair doesn't even begin to scratch the surface!"_

_"Well I'm sorry you feel that way but my decision has been made and I'm not changing my mind. I'm sorry Chakotay, but things between us, end now."_

_He looked at her incredulously, then his expression changed to disappointment._

_"You know...I knew you had the ability to hurt me Kathryn, and I took the risk that night, full well knowing that. But never did I imagine that you could be this cruel."_

_She watched Chakotay leave her ready room, then sat down on her couch and let the tears that were welling in her eyes fall. She allowed herself a few moments to feel the pain of her situation, the pain that she had caused Chakotay and ultimately her loss. She quickly wiped the tears away and replaced her Captain's mask._

_ She had to be strong and she remained strong for the months following, because as far as Kathryn was concerned, you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left._

**_To be continued..._**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **_I am so sorry about the long wait! I hadn't intended to, but I got very sick for a while and then it took some time to pick up on this again. Thank you to all my reviewers you guys are awesome. One more chapter left!_

* * *

><p>It was a moment that even a holodeck novel could not reenact its sincerity. The Command team shared a moment of absolution Looking into the depths of each others eyes they saw the resolve in them. It wasn't a moment to dwell on past mistakes, regrets or unpleasantries. This moment belonged to the future to come, and right now it belonged to them.<p>

An array of unshed emotions hung in the air before reality hit Kathryn, as a stabbing pain brought her back to her present moment. Trying her best not to cry out, she bit her lower lip and slowly inhaled as much oxygen into her lungs as they could carry. But even that could not mask the pain she was in.

Struggling for the strength to kept herself upright she fell slightly backwards but was quickly caught by a pair of large hands that belonged to none other than, Chakotay. The warmth of his hands was like soothing medicine to her as he cradled her upper body. Without a second thought, Chakotay shifted behind Kathryn and spread his legs on either side of her until her back made contact with his chest. Reluctant at first, Kathryn gradually succumbed to his support, leaning back against his strong chest, which to her relief, allieviated her back of some of the pressure and lessened her discomfort.

The Doctor who during the meantime busied himself sorting through his medical supplies, now draped a sheet over Kathryn's knees and checked on her progress.

Chakotay could feel the deep breaths that Kathryn inhaled. Each breath tore him up inside as he could feel her tremble against him in her struggle to remain calm and collected during her labor. However, this was not a time which afforded such control, much to her dismay. Kathryn realized that she couldn't get out of this situation this time by her position as Captain, and so finally accepting her weakened state, she allowed herself to nestle further into Chakotay and accepted the support that he gave her.

As Chakotay felt Kathryn relax against him, he could feel the barrier she had for a long time kept in force, begin to slip. For the first time in months, he saw in this moment, that Kathryn was unguarded.

"How much longer?" Kathryn gasped in between breaths. But before any answer could be heard, her mind was suddenly taken back to thoughts that she had long since abandoned.

It began as a memory. A memory of a time where endless possibilities existed. The number of nights Kathryn would lay awake thinking about her future were countless. It was a constant thought that occupied her mind in the dead of the night, but what she didn't know was that her late night mulling's were shared by the man she had once given into. They had envisioned it more than once and they knew it was a real possibility one day.

A family.

However, such thoughts were all too soon shattered by the return of Voyager, and they found themselves burying those hopes and dreams into the deepest realms of their minds. Never to be recovered until now.

A sharp contraction broke Kathryn from her reverie. An audible groan escaped from her lips. Chakotay rubbed his large hands up and down her forearms in comfort. However this time, the contraction felt different. Kathryn felt a change within herself, it was like a natural urge that told her that she was ready.

Looking ahead at the Doctor, she understood what was happening and from the look on his face, he did too.

"Okay Captain, this is it," the Doctor began. "On the next contraction, I want you to push."

She nodded in an unspoken agreement.

"This may take a while," he warned her. "First time births usually do. Just take it _slow_ and easy."

Kathryn leant her head back. Looking up she saw that a cluster of stars now scattered generously across the night sky. The moon shone down on her with a bright iridescent glow. The hand that Kathryn had been resting on her swollen abdomen slowly left its spot of comfort and reached down until it grazed against Chakotay's hand. Feeling the warm touch of her slender fingers, Chakotay uncurled his fist and soon their fingers intertwined.

Neither realized at the time, because they were so caught up in the moment, that that was the closest to sensual contact they had had for months. They gazed into each others eyes for a moment and with a simple nod, Kathryn broke the contact and rested her head against his shoulder, ready for the impending moment to come.

As Chakotay felt the warmth of Kathryn's body lean against his own, a voice began to stir inside his mind. A voice that brought him back to a night, he could never forget. The voice that stirred inside his memory grew louder and louder, until Chakotay found himself reliving that night, facing the one person that he could always turn to during his time of need.

...

**Two months ago...**

_It was a night of many reflections. Kathryn had been in a strife, claiming that it was because he was late to her appointment. But Chakotay knew she wasn't angry at him because of his tardiness. It was whom he was with..._

_The night Chakotay broke up with Seven, he thought he would feel complete again. No longer would he be lying to himself about his feelings for Seven. Sure he cared for her, the time they had shared between them was a factor in that. He could not ignore it, but it wasn't the type of caring that filled his heart. Only one woman had the power to do that, and it tore up him inside to realize that he could never get what he truly wanted._

_Leaning against the bulkhead and staring out at the starry sky from the dimness of his quarters, Chakotay thought deeply about what his next move might be, but as he stared more fixatedly on the stars, he realized that he felt trapped inside the ship, like the life he wanted was on the other side of the glass window. Metaphorically speaking, Kathryn was the stars: Beautiful, shining, always visible wherever he went, impossible to avoid but so close yet so far away._

_Chakotay dropped his head, hearing nothing but the silence and the voice in his head that seemed to be echoing louder and louder. Slowly Chakotay looked over to his left, staring into the entrance of his bedroom. It took several moments of staring into the empty space until he finally moved. Crossing over into his room, Chakotay opened the bottom draw of his nightstand. A draw that had long since been opened._

_Inside he stared into the contents within. Brushing his fingers over the items, he gathered them in his arms and made his way into the living room where he sat down on the middle of the floor and placed the items in front of him._

_His medicine bundle._

_Before he could change his mind, Chakotay began his vision quest. _

_"A-koo-chee-moya. I pray on this day of sadness, to speak to my father - the one whom the wind called... Kolopak. Though I'm far from his bones, perhaps there is a spirit in these unnamed skies who will find him, and give me the answer I seek. A-koo-chee-moya." _

_A bright light pierced Chakotay's eyes as they began to open. The picture before him wasn't the same as before, he was no longer in his quarters, his subconscious self was somewhere else entirely. The place was gloomy, but he immediately recognized the misty moonlit forest anywhere. He was back home on Dorvan V. A still lake could be seen just ahead of him, and the figure of a man skimming a rock across the smooth lake water could soon be discerned. Hesitant at first, Chakotay stepped towards the man whose back was facing him, but stopped a few feet away from him. Nudging a stone with his foot, Chakotay cleared his mind before he finally spoke._

_"Hello father."_

_"Chakotay," the wise man acknowledged, without turning to face him. Picking up another stone by his feet he skimmed it flawlessly across the water, gliding as though it were weightless. Only when the stone finally came to rest in the water did he speak up again, still looking across the lake. The moonlight reflected off its rippled surface, spreading light to the furtherest corners of the area. "You have been distant." _

_Chakotay bowed his head, "I have been troubled father."_

_Kolopak arched an eyebrow. "Then why have you not called upon the spirits to guide you?"_

_Chakotay sat on a large rock he remembered sitting upon as a teenager, on nights that he would rather forget. Shrugging he dipped his finger in the dirt and traced a pattern on its dry surface._

_"Because I felt that no spirit could guide me," he began sadly, "when I felt a pain that even spiritual guidance, could not heal."_

_"And now?" Kolopak finally turned around._

_The sight of seeing his fathers face again tore at his heart. At this moment, Chakotay realized just how much you don't appreciate your loved ones, until they're gone._

_"And now..."Chakotay sighed, "I am lost."_

_Kolopak looked at his son with questioning eyes._

_"I have lost my path, and I no longer know what lies ahead for me," Chakotay continued._

_"What is it my son?" Kolopak now sat beside him on the large rock._

_Looking out across the lake, Chakotay answered with an empty look on his face, "I am going to be a father."_

_A smile became visible on Kolopak's face. "Then that is good news!"_

_Chakotay bowed his head, trying to find the right way to tell his father that his dreams of having a family was not quite how it sounded._

_"The mother," he paused. "Kathryn..." he finally spoke her name. "We had a brief relationship, and when she found out she was pregnant, she ended it."_

_"Oh?" Kolopak questioned. _

_"She ended it because..." he found it hard to find the right words to use, because if he was being honest, he didn't understand himself. "-she is the Captain, and in her eyes she can't run a ship, have a child and be in a relationship with me. "_

_"So she is burdened with the responsibilities of Command." It wasn't so much of a question, as it was a statement._

_Chakotay shrugged. "That's what she claims."_

_"And you have respected her wishes?"_

_"As much as I can tolerate."_

_He didn't have to say a thing, Chakotay knew that his father could tell that something else was bothering him, so he continued._

_"I had a relationship with another female, hoping that my feelings for Kathryn would...diminish, if I loved another."_

_"But things did not work out." The wise man sounded certain._

_"No." Chakotay looked away and stood up._

_Kolopak stared at the pattern his son had drawn into the dirt. "Chakotay, you do not seem convinced that Kathryn has made the right decision?"_

_"How could she?" He turned back to his father, raising his voice slightly in annoyance. "In the Delta-Quadrant, we are alone. We may never make it back to Earth in our lifetime..."_

_"You still love her." Kolopak boldly stated._

_Chakotay nodded, remaining silent for several moments._

_"I don't want to...what she did to me..." he sighed, unable to delve into the painful memories of the past few months. "It hurts father."_

_"Chakotay, that's what love is. Loving somebody so much, that it hurts to love them."_

_"What will I do?"_

_Kolopak thought for a moment, then stood until he faced his son. "I cannot answer that. " He shrugged, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Only you know the answer."_

_Brilliant, Chakotay thought. Go on a vision quest to seek the answers to your troubled life, and get told that you have to find your own answers._

_Chakotay walked to the edge of the lake and stared out at the water. _

_"Son," Kolopak called to him. "Despite whatever may happen. I brought you up better than to walk away when things get tough. You are a kind and gentle man. Look deep within yourself and try to see it from her perspective. In spite of your differences, you must support her and her decision."_

_Chakotay looked at him with furrowed brows. How could he see it from her perspective? He simply could not understand. She had said that her decision had been a difficult one. But yet she said it with such ease. Chakotay wasn't even sure at this point if she cared. If Kathryn was anything those past few months, it was unemotional. _

_Understanding the extent of Chakotay's confusion, Kolopak looked at his son thoughtfully before moving slowly away through the trees that encircled the lake. _

_"Come, son," he called. _

_Chakotay followed his father, walking in silence for several minutes until they came to a clearing on the edge of the lake. There were no trees surrounding the area, no large rocks and no bush life. What lay ahead of them was nothing but the clear blue lake and the dark night sky. _

_"Father?"_

_"Shhhh," Kolopak hushed. "You will see."_

_After a long silence, Chakotay began to notice that the sky was changing. The dark clouds and stars that only moments before painted the sky vanished, but it was what came next that truly stunned him. _

_Visions of his past began to flash across the sky, as though it had become a portal to his past life. He saw himself with Kathryn on Brilarix. The desire in her eyes as they shared their first kiss. The morning after they had consummated their love. The look on Kathryn's face when she had accepted his help after her injury. _

_He saw their early blossoming relationship on Voyager, in the safety of their quarters. Secret to all. Or what was then a secret._

_Chakotay couldn't tear his eyes away. He could remember each and every feeling he had in that moment. Being with Kathryn during those times was the happiest he had ever been. But, the next vision he saw disturbed him._

_It was a moment he had never witnessed. Kathryn sat alone in the darkness of her quarters, staring out of the viewport. Her knees were tucked up to her chest, her eyes were red, and tears rolled freely down her cheeks._

_Kathryn had never cried openly in front of Chakotay. In fact she had always appeared as though nothing bothered her. But he hadn't seen this. He hadn't seen the look on her face, the tears that stained her cheeks. One thing for certain in this moment, was that Kathryn was clearly upset. For as long as he knew her, Chakotay had never seen Kathryn cry. It wasn't something he had considered that day in her ready room when she broke the news to him. As far as he was concerned, though she said that she had given it a great deal of thought. All that was running through his mind at the time, was how they could never be together, and in that respect, how much she didn't care about him. But that wasn't true. He saw her quiet dealings with the knew found knowledge of her pregnancy and her avoidance from Chakotay, because every time she looked at him, she wanted to cry. _

_Chakotay continued to watch the sky as the next vision appeared. __He saw himself and Seven laughing together in the messhall. Kathryn had just walked in. He caught a glimpse of her during her entrance, she noticed him and gave a firm command like nod in acknowledgment. He like so exhanged such greeting. But when he turned back to Seven, it was the pained expression on Kathryn's face that Chakotay had missed at that point of time. Seeing this moment from her perspective, he never__ saw how Kathryn's breath hitched slightly before she forced herself to create a calm vigilance. Forcing herself to show to her crew and to the new couple that she wasn't bothered._

_But she was._

_He could see it in her eyes. She was hurt. But yet, Kathryn had no claim on him. She made that clear. But nevertheless, it didn't stop her from feeling how she did in that moment. Chakotay's breath hitched in his chest as Kathryn's had just done. The evidence was there, and he could see it now. There were still __lingering feelings between them. _

_In that moment, the visions ended and the sky returned to its normal state. Chakotay's eyes however, refused to leave the spot in the sky that had explained everything to him. As he continued to stare into the darkness, a tear rolled down his cheek. _

_Kolopak came up behind his son and rested a hand on his shoulder._

_"You see, things are not always how it appears to be."_

_He felt guilty for sequestering himself from her for those past few months. __Chakotay turned to face his father, but he couldn't find the words to respond. He just stared into his fathers dark eyes, a million thoughts and feelings flashed through his mind._

_"Be patient my son."_

_For the first time in months, Chakotay saw a glimpse of something he thought was long gone._

_Hope._

_He may never see her point of view the way she does. He may not like the situation and may still be distant towards her, but he would be there for her when and if she needed it. He wouldn't force anything upon her, wouldn't show his anger about their situation towards her anymore. He would let fate take its course. _

_"I promise, father."_

_…._

It was almost an hour later until Kathryn was at the final stage.

"Stop pushing," the Doctor suddenly instructed, startling both parents-to-be.

Kathryn let out an exhausted puff. Concern suddenly took position on her face, but she was too breathless to respond.

"Is something wrong, Doctor?" Chakotay was quick to ask.

"Just checking the positioning of the cord thats all."

Kathryn was beyond exhausted.

Chakotay pulled the stray strands of hair away from her face. He could feel the beads of sweat on her forehead and the burning hot touch of her skin on his cool fingertips. He was taken by surprise when Kathryn's hand reached up and pressed on his fingertips until they were flat on her face. She sighed in refreshment, feeling his fingers cool her.

"Everything looks fine," the Doctor affirmed. "Now give me one more push, Captain."

Kathryn scowled at him unpleasantly. He had been saying that to her for the past 15 minutes.

"You're doing great," Chakotay whispered in her ear.

Kathryn leant her head back onto his shoulder. "I'm tired," she said breathlessly.

"I know," Chakotay said, "but you're almost there. One last push." Kathryn breathed heavily against him and turned her head so that it rested just under his chin. He was almost certain he could hear a slight whimper escape from her lips. Without a second thought, Chakotay kissed the side of her head and sat up further bringing Kathryn forwards so to encourage her to take that final step. Chakotay reached down for her hands and squeezed them lightly. It was a simple act, but it meant everything to Kathryn to know that she wasn't alone in this. Despite what she had been telling herself for months, she couldn't do this alone, and she knew now, that she didn't have to.

Squeezing back, Kathryn used all the reserve energy she didn't even know she had left within her. Leaning forwards as Chakotay held her, she delivered the final push and then leaned back in exhaustion against Chakotay's strong chest.

A loud wail interrupted the quiet calmness of the secluded paradise. The wail of Kathryn and Chakotay's child, alerting the world of its presence.

Kathryn smiled tiredly but it was genuine. A happy laugh escaped from her mouth at the sound of her child. Slumped against his chest, Chakotay squeezed her forearms and kissed her head, never being so proud of someone in his life. If Kathryn one day managed to get them home, he would doubt that that would be the moment he would have been most proud of her.

"It's a girl," the Doctor exclaimed.

The beaming smiles they both had were priceless, and shortly after, the doctor wrapped up the precious girl and placed her on Kathryn's chest.

She was perfect.

She had her mothers coloring, but judging by the thin patch of hair on her head, Kathryn knew it would be dark like her fathers. They were in awe together as they looked at their daughter, doting over their creation. It had been a rough 9 months, but as they stared at their little girl, they knew that no matter what situation they were in, they gave life to this precious girl, and that was the greatest pleasure of their lives.

...

After Kathryn had been tended to by the Doctor, Kathryn watched as Chakotay held his daughter as he walked around the holodeck with her. He looked like a natural father. The image before her was like the dreams she once used to have on New Earth. But back then, they always had a happier ending, and it appeared that the situation of her reality, did not equal those of her dreams.

Kathryn hadn't realized until hot tears dripped down her cheeks, that she was crying. It was an absurd thing to do, to cry from sadness and disappointment in herself after she had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl. But she was. No matter what she had convinced herself of, over the past few months. She wasn't prepared for this moment.

Looking away from his daughter for a brief moment, what Chakotay saw made his heart sink. The tears falling down Kathryn's face startled him, and he wondered why it was that she was crying at this moment.

"Kathryn?" he questioned delicately. But only moments after he had spoken, Kathryn broke into sobs. Her hands cupping her face as she cried into them.

Chakotay stood there for several moments trying to process everything. He looked to the Doctor, but all he responded with, was a twitch of his lips. He knew in this moment that this was not a hormonal imbalance from giving birth. The tears that she shed and the sobs that wracked her body extended further than the trying ordeal of that day. At that moment, he understood.

Chakotay looked at his newborn daughter and then to the Doctor. "Doctor, would you mind?" he held the bundle towards him.

"Not at all," the Doctor stepped forwards and took the little girl who was contentedly asleep, from her fathers arms.

Watching as the Doctor rocked the baby in his arms, Chakotay was thankful for distance he placed between them, giving them the space they needed. Approaching Kathryn slowly, Chakotay knelt beside her and gently pried her hands away from her face, but she still continued to cry.

"Kathryn?" he tried once more, drying her tears with his thumb. She looked down, refusing to make eye contact. "Hey, look at me" he called softly, tilting her head up until their eyes met. But, before there was any chance for Kathryn to pull away, Chakotay leaned forwards until his lips crashed against her own.

**To be continued...**


End file.
